It's a slippery animal....

So, my technology fast this week didn't go as well as I had hoped.  The fact is it is everywhere.  When I declared that the stove was technology and that I'd have to eat dinner out all week, Kent retored with: we have a fire pit out back. 

I was looking to reheat soup.

So, I found that I do far too much communicating with technology.  I actually broke down, bought a card and mailed it.  Even that is technology--the postal system.

I missed a ton of messages this week and even had a little bit of a slap on facebook regarding my facebook break.  A friend said that he thought I was off the grid for a week, which was followed by another person with a "I gave her 3 days."

Do you people really think I have that little self control?

I got back on facebook this week to answer messages about Thanksgiving weekend.  We were hosting a ton of young adults, they were making plans and I wasn't answering my messages. 

Which lead to a miscommunication this weekend with our visitors.  I won't be doing that again -- Our visitors are coming, just a day later than they expected.  D'oh.

I had an appointment with my medical oncologist.  I was super thankful that Kent was there to make straight the beating around the bush the Dr was giving me. 

The only thing beating around the bush accomplishes is squished berries.

So, after showing me his huge bruise that he got cycling the Myra Canyon....he told me that the chances of the cancer coming back are very slim but (to quote him) "its a slippery animal this cancer thing."  I was hungry at the time, all I could think of was a greased pig, which lead me to bacon.....

I am not sure what he was getting at, all I know is it was a quote I will never forget.  Ever. 

Next up--I have an appointment with the radiation oncologist -- she doesn't talk about slippery animals, or show me massive bruises she has--so I am hoping for a more direct answer to my questions.

Sleep. I should say the lack-there-of.

Sleep has always been an issue for me.  In the past 6 months I have had one crazy mixed up sleeping schedule.  I have been up in the night often followed by days without sleep.

I am not a napper.  I have never been a napper.  I always feel like I am going to miss out on something if I sleep during the day.

It wasn't until Kent and I had Melissa that I realized this pattern.  She always wanted to be where the people are and didn't like to nap.

So, she gets it from me.

This weekend we were at the Glow Retreat, then went right to full time work hours this week.  Last night I was at Glow Youth.  This morning, I didn't think I could get out of bed.  I was pretty loopy this morning.  I looked at the floor and Pippin was missing.

I panicked a little.

Then I remembered he had a sleepover with Bella Seward and the Seward family last night.

Sigh.  I totally forgot.

Kent and I got ready for work and I gave him the low down on Youth last night, he stayed home.  I think he needed to study or something.

So this morning I am on my second cup of coffee, which is unusual for me--when I purchased my coffee, my tummy did a little flip-flop.  It was like I was in the middle of chemo kind of flippy-floppy.

I was a little startled by my reaction, although I have been told that this can happen and not to be too surprised by it.  It wasn't the coffee that triggered it--it was a person.  Someone who works at the Vancouver Island Cancer Centre was standing just outside of the line up talking with someone.

I was told that the thought of something, the sight of the building or other things will trigger the nauseated feeling.  I am not liking this feeling on top of a very, very over-tired body.

I am back in the switchboard and I am happily back at work.  I am thankful for a job that I could slip back into after a 6 month sabbatical.  I have spent the morning laughing with Glenn and Chris....I think I am "one of the guys".   I now know the score the golf game, it's not a hockey strike, but rather a "lock-out" and the reason why the female co-worker behind me never dated in high school....

I have tried REALLY hard to stay out of the office gossip and politics.  Last night I was leaving and one of the guys said, will we see you tomorrow?  I said yes that I was covering for Nadya for the next two weeks.  You can call me Nadya.  Dane said, oh, no, you have earned the name Kim.

I am in--I have found that a great deal of humility, humour and baking--goes a really, really long way.

Nadya has just retired and I am now covering her last 2 weeks of holiday.  She won't be back--unless she comes to visit.  Glenn is most likely to take her permanent full-time position.  So that leaves his position, a permanent part-time position -- coming available soon.

Yesterday my supervisor called me in to talk to me about it.  I told her that I was interested in it and that when it was posted I would apply.  I want you to know, this is a long shot.  I don't have a lot of seniority, but I have the job knowledge and the initiative.  The supervisor and manager both feel that I am a good fit and they like to promote within their department, rather than training someone from outside this department.

Someone said to me when I started, to get a hang of this job it could take a year.  I believe it now, I didn't then.

I am rambling.

I just might be getting too old for this...

We just returned from a youth retreat just outside of Duncan, BC.  I kept thinking as we were getting close to leaving, am I too old for this?

The answer is No.  The question of being too old for this, is my insecurity talking.

I was feeling dead tired going into the weekend.  I had worked 3 night shifts in the week before.  My newly adopted daughter had some tough days in the week and Kent and I had some tough things to deal with in the week.

I am not feeling at liberty discussing the tough stuff here, but pray for our family.  Just when we thought we could be "through" a trial, another one presents itself.

We picked up 3 kids at the church for the retreat and headed up the Island to Duncan.  I had this thought....just give up.  It's not worth the struggle.  Immediately I countered that thought with this one.  Why would I give up now?  The past 18 months or so, although there were some really great times in it--has felt a little like one big, very long, drawn out trial.

So, I battled it out in my head.  It is worth it, although tiring this is often what I tell myself.  This life is the only Hell I will ever know.  As bad as it gets -- its only temporary.  I am doing my level best to follow after Jesus--so my future is secure.

On the flip side of that thought is this:  This life is the only Heaven some people will ever experience.

Perspective is everything.  So I soldier on.

When we got to the retreat I immediately entered into it all, the fun, the craziness, the services and I felt immediately encouraged and fortified.

There are two girls there that recently lost their Mom to cancer, in fact the funeral is on Saturday the 21st.  Another is in the process of what could be a cancer scare.  If ever they needed a Mom, it is now.  I knew my job instantly--and loved them.

There are many, many amazing stories from this weekend, too many to post in this blog but I have to say this one thing.  Rob and Chelsea Penney are amazing people and youth leaders.  Clark and the band from SPC were amazing.  I can't wait for another time to be in their company.

God is good.  All the time.

I am home now and I am tired, but I am feeling restored.  Whatever comes my way in the next numbers of days, months or years, I know that God has gone through it before me and I solidly have an amazing husband in Kent beside me.

I am blessed among women.

Stones of Remembrance

I have worked with youth FOREVER.  Often God breaks my heart for a child/teen and although they grow up, move on, marry and have children, they will always, always, always be my kid.  Always.

Because of my preference these kids enter my life as teens, rarely, its been a child who enters my life and melts my heart.

I remember it like it was last week.  She was up at the front of the church.  Her mom was leading worship on a Sunday night.  She was maybe all of 6 years old.  She had a cough that sounded rough.  She was a doll.  Blonde and beautiful.  Sweet as can be.

She became mine.  Even having sleep overs at our house.

She became my kids favorite babysitter and truly the first one I trusted with my babies.

She graduated high school and lit out of the Okanagan Valley for the United States and ministry opportunities in music.  She found a wonderful man, married and has 2 beautiful little boys.

She wrote a book that has recently been published -- and you have an opportunity to win either an e-book or a paperback, right here.

Her book is called Stones of Remembrance.  I ATE her book up.  It took me 2 days to read it--I couldn't put it down.  I am not a fast reader, and I have to say I don't like Christian Romance novels, but I LOVED her characters.

This, by the way is not your mother's Christian Romance.  There is alcohol.  There is nudity.  It is a REAL romance, it deals with REAL hurt.  It made me laugh out loud (at the character named Kent), it made me get goosebumps, it made me cry.  All of that -- very difficult to get me to do.

It is a great romance like "pride and prejudice" and a great book of healing like "the shack".

Joshua 4:20-22---And those twelve stones which they took out of the Jordan, Joshua set up in Gilgal.  Then he spoke to the children of Israel, saying: “When your children ask their fathers in time to come, saying, ‘What are these stones?’  then you shall let your children know, saying, ‘Israel crossed over this Jordan on dry land’

--Joshua erected stones for people to remember what God had done.  We have "stones of remembrance" in our lives, baby pictures, wedding photos, head stones at a cemetery.  I wear a wedding ring on my left hand to remind me of a promise I made to Kent.

I have thought of erecting something to remember this past 14 months--it has been the toughest of my life.  I have thought of a tattoo, or a piercing, I have thought of a cross for in our home.  I haven't settled on what my "stones of remembrance" will look like.

What would your "stones of remembrance" look like?  What is your favourite "stone of remembrance"? Julie will choose from the comments below who she will send her book to who she feels has the best comment!

RESTORED: like it never happened.

September 11 is a tough day.  Not like people who have lost loved ones, but it is impossible to forget the things I saw--and how it affected my life.  The first trip to New York March 2002 drastically changed me and I am forever grateful for it.

Before I was completely diagnosed Melissa, Sandy S. and I went to a women's prayer night at Colwood Church.  It was an amazing night--I felt like God went through and peeled me layer-by-layer and restored me all in a couple hours.  It was exhausting and exhilarating all at once.

One of the things that was prayed over me and I believe scripture given, was that I would be restored or healed like this never happened.

I knew that I would be living with a scar, there is always a reminder of what has happened in life but I have been clinging to that promise.  In fact, I have walked day-by-day through this clinging to the promises of God.

Since completing radiation, I haven't had any pain.  During chemo I had some stabbing throbbing pain--only once in a while, mostly while I was trying to sleep.  I noted that the first week after radiation that the pain was gone.  Whew!

I have posted that I have a radiation burn on my leg about 12"x6" and it has been painful and itchy all at once.  As much cream as I can put on it, my skin soaks it up.

On one hand I had no idea my skin could get so dark, on the other, I have a huge patch of skin that is **way** darker than the rest of my body.  Ugh.  So attractive.

This week it started to peel.  It was a good thing because my leg was looking like this:

Except without the face.

So as it peeled, the skin underneath was still burnt.  I kept up the protocol that the nurses had given me of saline soaks and water based, perfume free cream.

Today I took a good look at it, the scar was darker than the rest of my leg--but it was starting to peel.  As I peeled the dead skin back, the skin underneath was not burned at all.  Whew.  Then I realized....

Ready for this?

THE SCAR IS GONE.

I was stumped at first.  Confused second.  And then I started to rejoice.  Restored, like it never happened.

Customer Service Sucks!

Bell Mobility.  The ultimate fail in cellular phone companies.

Since moving to Victoria I have had to phone them every month.  Sometimes, like this month, 3 times.

I upgraded my phone this month, you know that "free" upgrade that cost me $110.00 in the store. The first encounter I had in the store.  I asked them to make sure that the phone wouldn't be constantly searching for internet access...you see, I am too cheap to ask for a data plan.  I use free wifi--if I need to at all.

That didn't happen, so I called and got them to make sure the phone was in fact not searching and to make sure that the charges so far for the month would be taken off my bill.  They said it was 2 charges of $0.16 each.  So they took off the $0.32.

A number of days later, I find a self serve centre on my phone, and it gave me a break down of my current bill.  My current bill had $8.00 of data charges on it.

So, another phone call to Bell Mobility.  They took off the charges.

So, I get my bill for the month in my email.  I look at the $120.00 bill thinking it would be more like $80.00 I was alarmed but didn't have time to check into it.  I paid it. And a few days later I called Bell Mobility about my current bill.

You see, they snuck in a $39.95 hardware upgrade fee.  Are you keeping track?  That means that my "free" upgrade now cost me 149.95.

When I called they took off the charges.  I asked them how many times have I called about my account since we moved in August...because I know that they must keep track of these things.  They do.  21 different calls to complain about my bill, the billing charges, customer service.  So I told them, to put down on my calls that I am this close to leaving my contract and moving toward a pay and talk.

Then the customer service rep said, I have that marked on you call from last time.

Maybe it's time.

Today I have been waiting for Sears to come for the second time to look at my brand new dishwasher that is deciding not to work.

They said they would be here between 8-12.  I agreed to that.  Then I booked some appointments for this afternoon.  Then, they called last night to say they would be here sometime between 12-4.  I told them that wouldn't work, they put me on hold and "rearranged" the serviceman's day....because I changed my mind.

Arghh..Seriously?  Where is the customer service people?

Completely Caffeinated.

What I have discovered this week.  Enough caffeine to keep you awake all night is also enough to keep you up all day.  Sigh.

I came home from my night shift and started the "process" of unwinding for bed.  I was in bed by shortly after 8.  I thought that if I slept for a 4 hour period--that would be enough to function, but also be tired enough to go to bed at a decent time.

That didn't happen.

I slept off and on, more off than on.  I woke up shortly after 9 am thinking we were having a minor, minor earthquake.  I stayed in my bed--then I thought it must be the dog scratching.  It wasn't him.  Then I realized, it was ME.  I was vibrating.

After drinking so much coffee last night before I went in at 11--I switched to water.  I pounded water until 3 am.

I work another night shift Wednesday night.  I am not going to be caffeinated like I was last night--ever again.

It's now 3.30 pm and I am still feeling jittery.

This morning my co-worker came in about 25 minutes early and took over from me.  I really appreciate the people I work with.  Today I was working with Chris and Glenn, I really enjoy them, they keep me laughing....then again it could have been caffeine and lack of sleep that was making me laugh.....

Beyonce and Jay Z..yup that's us!

What a great day.  Amazingly I slept until 1.30 pm.  I can't remember the last time I slept that late in a day.  I finished my night shift and generally when I get home at 720 I generally need time to unwind and get into the frame of mind of sleep.

Not today. :)  I came home and slept.

When I work a night shift I have no idea how to eat.  When I woke up I was tired and not hungry but I hadn't eaten since 6 pm the night before.  I don't know how people do this full time.  It amazes me. 

Kent and Max took me out to the Noodle Box for my birthday, always yummy and always hot.  I went to Starbucks to get a LARGE coffee to help me with the night shift I am currently doing...When I met up with Kent we went to the University of Victoria to watch the Men's Basketball team.

For my birthday Kent got me season tickets to the UVic Rugby, Soccer and Basketball teams.  Along with it are several perks, the most important one is time with Kent.  I feel amazing.  I love time with Kent.  I love live sports.  What could be a better gift?  I can't think of one.

And because the seats are courtside, I feel a little like Beyonce and Kent is Jay Z.  Yup....we are THAT important!

Ok, maybe in my own mind.....

A little night shift will cure you.

It's presently 0320 the mornng of my 44th birthday.  I am sitting at my desk in the hospital working a night shift.

Happy Birthday to me.

I am thankful for this shift for a plethora of reasons:

1.  I am healthy enough to work.
2. Cancer is expensive.

I walked into the hospital tonight knowing that there has been a WHOLE lot of drama that has gone on while I have been away.  Union stuff, shift work stuff, it's been horrendous what the people in my department have been through in the past 5 months.  I am thankful for my postition, I am also thankful I haven't been here for the past 5 months to witness the stuff that's gone on.

It is truly one of the wonders of the world to me.  Unions.  I have really never understood the beaurocracy the ins and outs, the rules.

If someone is qualified to do the job, he or she out performs, shows initiative, is a good worker, it just doesn't seem to matter to the union.  The one with the most hours wins.  Whether they are good for the job or not.

It's amazing.

I love the department I am in, I work with truly wonderful people.  They have made me laugh, cried along with me, supported me.

When I see the drama I am convinced that I should really be working a 9-5, Monday to Friday job in a Doctor's office.  I miss Bernie and Elsie.....but I fear working with another Doctor Satan I worked with last year...

Although, it is feeling darn appealing at 0327 the morning of my birthday.

The funniest thing almost happened to Kent last time we were in the hospital.  We came last week to visit a friend of his named Ron.  We walked up to the elevator and Kent went to push the button, but he reached for the code blue button.

I gasped.

What a totally dumb system, that there is a blue button marked code blue right beside the button to call the elevator.

What a huge commotion that would've caused....

To kick off my birthday celebrations Kent and I hosted some friends for dinner on Friday.  Jamie made the most amazing pistachio and lime cheesecake.

Yes, Melissa, you read cheesecake.  That's what happens when you run off and marry the man of your dreams....you miss out on Jamie's cheesecake.

Yum.

It was a really fun night.  Lots of people, food, drink, talk--it was really great.

One of the best moments went like this:

Mikayla: Max, why weren't we friends in middle school?
Max: I don't know.
Mikayala: I know, there were several reasons, they all started with RACISM!

A great moment was reaching for the door knob to let the first person in, Lucas, my son, when I realized I was getting a migraine.

Another moment when Shannon Beat-Whissel came to my door.  I haven't seen her in 24 years--at least.  it was good to see her face and to see she is doing so well, with a man who really loves her.

It was a good, good night.  When the last of the people left, I crashed.  Seriously slept *hard*.

Probably why I am having no difficulty being awake now, a little night shift will cure that insomnia!

Did I just say that, Part II

So the guy at the store says to me, I can help you out to your car with that.

I said Thank you.

He says, Any reason to get out of the store and into sunshine.

I say, well, you could walk it back to my house, I live about 10 minutes from here.

He suddenly gets awkward.

I am wondering why.

I get to the car, we load in my purchases.

He says, I've got the door, shuts it.

I get into my car wondering why he went from chatty to awkward.

Then, I think about it.

Face palm.  Did I just say that?  I totally gave him an invitation to MY HOUSE!!

A Cougar I am not....but you wouldn't know it by what I just said....

This worries me about going back to work.  I need to figure out how to co-ordinate my brain and mouth and fast.  What I had meant to say was, heck, I don't know what I meant to say.  Maybe if I hadn't have driven, I don't know....now I am all awkward.

I am now the youth leader for the Grade 10 girls small group at Colwood.  I have missed teaching and mentoring and I am happy to have this job again.

One of the girls, I think that is in my group, is Victoria.  She is a beauty that I got to have in my room at HistoryMaker.  She told me that her mom was battling cancer, but she was doing ok at that time.  Last night her mom went home to be with the Lord.  I was told Wednesday night she had 2 weeks.

The beautiful thing in all this is this.  Her mom was diagnosed when Victoria was really little.  She battled cancer for 17 years.  She had the opportunity to raise her girls.  They are both beautiful and strong.

I can't imagine the loss they have suffered, but I am so thankful to be placed into their lives at this time. God is always good.  Always.  Even when we can't see it and the circumstances of life are difficult--Mom is pain free, she is dancing before the Lord and he is singing over her.  What a beautiful thought.

Growing Hair Is Hard To Do.

I had a migraine last week and when I had finished getting sick in the bathroom, almost instantly the gross symptoms of the migraine lifted.  I opened the bathroom door and Jamie was sitting at the dining room table.  I felt instantly bad for her that she had to hear me getting sick, I looked at her and said, growing hair is hard to do.  She laughed.  It is really hard.  Growing hair.  I have a new appreciation for short hair.  I actually have a "full" head of hair, it's just really, really, really short.

I went out today to do my normal 5.75 km walk.  I don't think I could run at this point at all.  2 km into it--I wanted to desperately turn around and come home.  I was out of breath and my feet were completely numb.

I decided to continue.  I slowed my pace and continued.  As I went along I pushed myself back to my normal pace.  As I turned around to come back I was completely done.  I actually thought about sitting down and resting, but I continued.

As I started the last kilometer, I felt I could conquer the world....the last 500 m...not so much.

I walked into the house and I was a hot, sweaty, out-of-breath mess.  Max said, "you went running?"

I had to admit that this effort was just walking...but it looked like I had just run 5 km....

I know that I have a lot of ground to gain back.  I feel a little down about it all, but I have to tell myself that my wind will come back, I will run that stinking Times Colonist 10K this year!

On the cancer front--I have an appointment for lab work on the 21st, a meeting with the Medical Oncologist on the 28th. They are giving me a 4-6 week break and then we are going to do some scans.

On the bored front--I pulled the knobs off the cupboards in the kitchen and cleaned behind them yesterday.  That's bored.  So, you are looking at the newest youth leader at Colwood Pentecostal Church.  I will more than likely be the Grade 10 girls small group leader, and I am looking forward to being at the Fall Retreat that is in Duncan.

I am not sure if I am supposed to be a youth leader or to help with training up new leaders--I am still listening--I want to do what God wants me to do.