I will love you my whole life. You and no other.

Years ago, we read this purple book.  It was called the 5 love languages.  I can't remember the author, but I can remember the change it brought in me.

You see, the author states that there are 5 love languages: 

• Words of Affirmation
• Physical Touch
• Acts of Service
• Receiving Gifts
• Quality Time

When I read the book I found that the "Quality Time" hit home for both Kent and I.  When we don't spend time together we get grumpy.  Seriously grumpy.

Because Kent is a man, he also loves Physical Touch.  And so do I.  Although for me, my has been a life long lesson in physical touch.  I am getting better at it as I age.

Then, this is where Kent and I veer off into very different directions.  I love Acts of Service/Giving and Receiving Gifts.  

Kent is a Words of Affirmation kinda guy.  Words tend to either mean a great deal to me, or very little depending on who is talking....taking history into consideration.  That's a whole other blog.

Gary Chapman, the author of the book states that we SHOW love the way we want to BE loved. So, when Kent would write a poem, I go, that's nice, I know you love me.

I would work myself to the bone to make my family comfortable, acts of service, and that's my love for them.  Bam.

So I thought about HOW could I do something word-y for Kent for our anniversary.  So, almost 3 months ago, we were in the Cancer Agency at my last appointment and I thought, I should write him a poem.  So, 3 months later, a lot of agonizing here it is.  One line for each year we've been married (or so).

The Story Of Us

A blushing start, a leap of faith

A crashing halt

A brand new start

Tears of loss and the promise of new life

Sweet Baby Girl—makes the family three

Oh the joy! The lack of sleep.

Rolly, Polly, Precious Baby Boy,

We never knew love like this before.

Mortgage, Renovations, Work, work work!

Barkerville Family Vacation, with Marc and Nicola

Heart stopping loss, forever in our hearts Sweet little Jack

Exotic Business trip takes you from us

A year of tired, sick, falling off roofs, hockey accidents

9/ 11 changed me forever

You held the fort while I ran to the City

15 years down, eternity to go

Soccer Coach Extraordinaire.

The teen years start. The fun ramps up.

A fuzzy little Mother’s Day gift

I was giving up hope

You came back fighting for us

Exotic travels for our 20^th

Our comfortable world turned upside down

New adventure, new home, new city for us

Fight for life, graduation and wedding

A life long dream come true, can’t imagine it with anyone but you.

Cancer Update

I have a new oncologist.  I saw him this week.  And in fact there was a "Baby" Doctor from up Island shadowing him.

I saw my new ONC as I was leaving work today and realized I had started this blog this week and hadn't finished it.

I have been putting up with the most relentless foot/leg cramps since chemo started.  And luck me, they haven't stopped.

I have asked for help a number of times, implemented the stuffs to find that it really does nothing.

This week, I got, add Magnesium to your daily cocktail of "expensive pee making pills" and in 3-4 weeks if that doesn't help, we will send you on to see a neurologist.

Oh good, another doctor....I think, but dang it's working!  Ok, as I type this I can feel my foot starting to cramp up. Sheesh.  Such an attention seeker.

So, this is my daily cocktail.  This is the morning, and then I take some of the same at night.

I don't care it if it's 5 pills a day or 25, as long as I don't wake up with foot cramps 3 or 4 times a night, I will be ok with my "expensive pee making pills."

25 th Anniversary Check up

I just had to post this!  My ring just came back from it's 25th Anniversary check up.  Claws re done, a couple loose diamonds have been secured.

It looks so good!

And how on earth did my hands get so wrinkled??

Kent and I are off soon for our trip to England and Scotland.  It really is a dream come true.  I can remember sitting in my Grandma and Grandpa Biddlecombe's living room watching the slides from one of the three trips they took to England.  They chaperoned Whalley Legion's Marching Band.  I can't imagine how amazing that would have been....having only been a part of trips like that to New York, Mexico and Guatemala....how amazing it would be to go THAT far from home with THAT many kids....

Maybe THAT's where I get it from.

Love you Grandma!  Thank you for setting such a great example of what it is to be a woman of integrity, grace and love.

Exactly what you need when you need it.

I walked into church today exhausted.  Completely feeling overwhelmed, and tired.

I didn't have a bad attitude about it all...just that I was tired..I knew this was the best place for me to be today.

As the service progressed the pastors opened the front for prayer, or worship, depending on what people were wanted to do.

I saw Pastor Kevin and thought, I need him to pray for me.  Instantly, the next thought was, I don't need Kevin, I need Jesus.

I went forward looking for more.  There has to be more than this run around, exhausting life....right?

I started praying for God to show up, in a big way, then I thought, screw the rest of them, *I* want more.  So I changed the way I was praying and specifically for me and for what I have been working through this Summer.

This Summer I had  started reading in the old testament, it was my goal to go through I and II Kings, kind of as a study, but I wound up in I Samuel....and I have stayed there for months.

I have been really thinking, studying about the story of Hannah.  There are so many facets to it.  I have found that every couple of days, it seems that I have a new part of the story come to life--it's been amazing.

The one part of the story I am completly stuck on is:  How Hannah prayed for her child.  She didn't have him yet, but she prayed for him for a long time.  She was mocked and taunted for it.  Her integrity called into question, but she continued to trust God and pray.  In my head I think, she must have prayed for YEARS before her request was answered in the form of her son, Samuel.  She dedicates him to the Lord and releases him to the Service of God.

I have been stuck on how long and how faithfully she prayed for her son.

Sometimes, I just get tired of praying for my kids.  I know this is going against what the church would say, but today, I was just weary.

When I went forward to pray, I felt lifted and the Spirit of God was poured out on me.  I spoke in tongues, and prayed specifically for my boy.  (Hello Max.)  :)

I want to be perfectly clear here.  I don't want him to have the same relationship with God as I do.  That can't be possible.  Max and I are very different people God is the only constant....

So, I pray that He would have a relationship with God, however that looks like for him.  That the blessing of God would fall upon him, He would have clarity for his future.

So, I realized Kent was with me, which was a good thing.  I couldn't move off the floor.  Thank you to Chemotherapy, I have very little muscle mass left and no strength.  So, Kent helped me off the floor.

Thank you to Kent.

I went back to my seat and I felt full, powerful and restored.

God knows exactly what we need when we need it, before we realize we are in need.

It just takes some listening skills and a big dose of obedience.

Happy Birthday to ME!

All day I have heard Paul McCartney in my head:

They say it's your birthday!

All day I kept thinking that I should be really thankful for my parents indiscretion.  They met on a rainy night in Vancouver, in fact, my mother had run out of gas and my Dad was on the highway patrol.  He helped her get her car started and asked her to a Christmas party.  (This is the only story that I have ever heard....)

Wham-bam.  9 months later....

One of the lessons I have tried to teach my kids is: consequences.  There can be lifelong consequences to the most simplest act.  A DUI, a criminal record, an STD, a child.

So today, I am most thankful to the simple act of the hook up of my parents.  Thank you Dad for your lack of will power.  Thank you Mom for your inability to keep your pants on.  To this: I raise my glass today and say Thank you.

And kids: remember this.  1 small act--meant a life long consequence.  Me.

Saanich Fair and Self Image Issues

I confess, I have self image issues.

I have a skewed idea of what I actually look like.

Once in a while, I think I am looking not so bad, then I see a picture of myself and I cringe, then I am off in a tail spin in my mind.  I think I look like this:



Did you hear the Chariots of Fire theme too?

The reality is I look like this:

Not too bad right??

While at the Saanich Fair, I was people watching.  One of my most favourite things to do, when I realized, I was looking at woman and thinking, HOW can she wear that?  I mean, she's obvs bigger than me, but she's rockin that dress/leggings/capris....whatever it was she was wearing.  THEN, it happened, I saw a large woman in a strapless short dress and she looked amazing.  Like seriously amazing.  Meanwhile, pan to Kim and she is hiding under a black sweater, completely hiding my body.

A lesson learned?  Nope, still learning.  I need to remember not to be so hard on myself.  I mean, last year at this time, I couldn't walk up a set of stairs without stopping.  This year, I am biking to work at RJH, about 20 minutes there, then I extend the ride home to 40 minutes.

Progress.

It may not show on the outside, but on the inside, every day I am getting better and better.  I am making better decisions with food--I just need to turn off the negative self talk.  Give this poor girl a break.  Happiest girls are the prettiest girls.....

Happy Anniversary to ME!

August 29th marks the 1 year anniversary of the end of my treatment.  I walked out of the BC Cancer Agency and thought, I am NEVER coming back....for treatment.  I thought very seriously about volunteering, even applied, got an interview and was told I was too close to treatment to volunteer.

They were worried about a meltdown.  Who me?  Meltdown?  Seriously.  It's like you don't even know me!

OK, meltdowns are a part of my life...

I found that for me this is a day of victory, accomplishment and a day to celebrate.  Then, I realized, it's just another day for people.

And I was all like, "Come on!"

Then, how it goes, I felt like I was feeling more important about myself than I should.  I am really good about not thinking highly about myself at work, with my relationship with God, but this one....felt like it should be celebrated.

I even gave certain people a couple days heads up....it didn't work.  It was just another day.

We eventually did celebrate, with a puppy cake, made with real puppies.  You could even hear them wimper if you listened closely.

I'm kidding.

We went for dinner last night--and I have often thought about the whys and the hows over this past year...but one thing has brought me back around:

Ephesians 2:10--We are all God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advanced for us to do.

I guess, I am just not finished with "good works" yet.

Without Question.

We are new parents of an Asian student.  He is here to learn English.  He is a great little man, we have really enjoyed having him here so far.

Today, we connected with another "Home Stay" family and their child and we went to the Saanich Fair.

Both of them fell into their native language and I had to say, "In English Please!" a couple times.  Then, I stopped pushing them.

When we were gathering to leave, the most amazing thing happened.  It might not be monumental to you, but it struck me.

One of them swatted a bee, and said in the most amazingly perfect English, "Jesus!"

I was awestruck.  Gobsmacked.  Amazed.

I immediately thought of Philppians 2:9-11:

“Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
    and gave him the name that is above every name,
 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father.”

Without question, every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord.  Maybe even in perfect English....