Someone said to me today, there is a lot of emotion still with my "The one where she steps up on the soapbox." blog.
Clarity:
Yes, there is emotion.
11 months ago, I had a chance encounter with my Aunt on FB. We had a conversation that was a number of months long. Reconciliation was plausible. I just didn't get to do the actual reconciliation on earth.
That has me bummed out. And I am a little emotional because there are so many things I would've wanted to know. Now, I won't know, because she is gone.
The other part of the story is this, and if we are going to continue to have this author/reader relationship you should really know about me.
I can be walked on, abused, taken for granted, neglected and maligned and I am pretty much ok with it--for a very long time.
Then, you do any of the above to someone I love and you awaken the beast.
So, to have my Mother walk up to my grieving cousin, (who just lost her mom to Cancer) and proclaim that my cancer was back, was just evil.
Finally a friendship is reborn and now, my cousin must have thought, how much time do I have left with Kim.
Fortunately, my cousin is a smart and discerning woman. She knows that 1% of what Mother states is true, the following that statement is 99% is ()&*&%&$*&*(*++^^%$$.
So, if you are reading the emotion in the last post, these are just 2 of the many, many reasons, there is emotion when I talk about my biological family.
Thursday, 24 July 2014
Tuesday, 15 July 2014
Oncology update - July 13th
So, what a whirlwind since last post. I apologize for not getting this done in a timely manner.
We were unable to get into my "urgent" CT for a while. Monday last week, I went in as a walk in with the prerogative that I would be there as a walk in until the CT happened.
I went into the walk in for the CT prep'd and ready to go at 7 am, even though the walk in didn't start until 8 am.
Being that I was there and ready, they put me in as soon as the machines warmed up at 7.35.
I had an appointment with the surgeon on Wednesday. This time, there would be no aspiration biopsy--they would go ahead with the surgery and take the offensive lymph node.
The surgeon admired her former handiwork on my right leg...then examined the left. I told her that the pain left Thursday the week before--suddenly but it had returned-not in an aggressive way. But I still felt pain.
She then took me into her office and showed me slice my slice my CT scan and there was absolutely nothing in my CT.
She assumed that the voice recognition software the radiologist used to dictate my ultrasound report had an error. It stated I had a 2.8 cm lymph node--instead of what was there a .8 cm lymph node. They investigate any node over 1 cm. That's why there was such urgency in getting the CT done.
My surgeon phoned the radiologist and asked that he/she look at the ultrasound again, check his/her work and reissue an amended copy of the ultrasound for my records.
I then wrote a letter to the "complaints and compliments" line at the Island Health Authority. I had to read it first, but they will be getting back to me.
Three points I made:
1. The stress on my family for a typo was insane.
2. The cost to the health authority for someone not double checking his/her work. (an unnecessary oncology appointment to say, you need a CT. An unnecessary CT, An unnecessary appointment with a Surgeon. Time of work for all 3 appointments.)
3. What if this had gone the other way? No Mr. Jones, you have no aggressive node in your leg...
I am thankful for Dr. Savage, the oncologist extraordinaire who took my pain issue seriously and called for the ultrasound.
Thankful today that my labs and CT (and soon to be...my ultrasound report) are completely normal.
I am thankful for Kent who as horrifying as this news was to him, stoically pushed his fears down and completely supported me. Again.
Thankful for my kids, who in their own ways dealt with this and completely supported me....Rejoiced with me when we got the news.
I have the best husband, kids, family and friends a girl could hope for. Somehow, someway, I'd love to show my appreciation for you. Watch out...one day--I'll show you!
We were unable to get into my "urgent" CT for a while. Monday last week, I went in as a walk in with the prerogative that I would be there as a walk in until the CT happened.
I went into the walk in for the CT prep'd and ready to go at 7 am, even though the walk in didn't start until 8 am.
Being that I was there and ready, they put me in as soon as the machines warmed up at 7.35.
I had an appointment with the surgeon on Wednesday. This time, there would be no aspiration biopsy--they would go ahead with the surgery and take the offensive lymph node.
The surgeon admired her former handiwork on my right leg...then examined the left. I told her that the pain left Thursday the week before--suddenly but it had returned-not in an aggressive way. But I still felt pain.
She then took me into her office and showed me slice my slice my CT scan and there was absolutely nothing in my CT.
She assumed that the voice recognition software the radiologist used to dictate my ultrasound report had an error. It stated I had a 2.8 cm lymph node--instead of what was there a .8 cm lymph node. They investigate any node over 1 cm. That's why there was such urgency in getting the CT done.
My surgeon phoned the radiologist and asked that he/she look at the ultrasound again, check his/her work and reissue an amended copy of the ultrasound for my records.
I then wrote a letter to the "complaints and compliments" line at the Island Health Authority. I had to read it first, but they will be getting back to me.
Three points I made:
1. The stress on my family for a typo was insane.
2. The cost to the health authority for someone not double checking his/her work. (an unnecessary oncology appointment to say, you need a CT. An unnecessary CT, An unnecessary appointment with a Surgeon. Time of work for all 3 appointments.)
3. What if this had gone the other way? No Mr. Jones, you have no aggressive node in your leg...
I am thankful for Dr. Savage, the oncologist extraordinaire who took my pain issue seriously and called for the ultrasound.
Thankful today that my labs and CT (and soon to be...my ultrasound report) are completely normal.
I am thankful for Kent who as horrifying as this news was to him, stoically pushed his fears down and completely supported me. Again.
Thankful for my kids, who in their own ways dealt with this and completely supported me....Rejoiced with me when we got the news.
I have the best husband, kids, family and friends a girl could hope for. Somehow, someway, I'd love to show my appreciation for you. Watch out...one day--I'll show you!
The one where she steps up on her soapbox.
A number of years ago, probably close to 17, a friend of mine preached on "Honour your Mother and Father." (Exodus 20.12, Matthew 15.4..)
I went to his office that week and was all ready to blast him. I remember saying, How DARE you tell me that I have to honor my Mother and Father. You have NO idea what you are asking me to do!
I remember him sitting on the other side of the room, looking like he was psychoanalyzing me....when he calmly said, do you believe the Bible?
Yes. I said rather sheepishly.
I preach the whole Bible was his answer.
He then went on to tell me about his tumultuous heritage and I realized...I didn't have a leg to stand on.
If I believe the Bible is the truth, then I have to believe that this command is to be taken seriously and I have to live it out somehow.
My friend said, You need to find a way, to honour your Mother.
That Mother's Day, I agonized over it, I wrote a letter, sent some photos of my kids. Done. She was honoured. She never replied.
I did it again the following Mother's Day, this time, I included my Grandmother (Mother's Step-Mother). No answer from my Mother, but I started a dialogue with my Grandmother.
All my Grandmother wanted was for this part of the family to be reconciled. She would ask me to phone my Mother and Sister, but I would blanch at it every time.
1. Do I want to invite this relationship back into my life? No, it's been rather drama-free without her.
2. Do I want to honour my Mother? Yes.
About 14 years ago, this past May 24th, my Grandmother called and said, it's your Sisters birthday. I knew it was, I thought about her during the day. She asked me to call her. Blanche. Stomach sinks into my legs and my heart stops. She just wanted reconciliation. She gave me the number and I dialed. It was just past 8 pm.
My sister answered and was curt. She said-I don't want you in my life. How did you get my phone number? I lied, I didn't want to get Grandma in trouble....I wasn't very good at....and my Mother and sister cut Grandma out of their lives for 9 months. Because she shared my Sisters phone number.
The message was clear. Stay out of my life.
So I have honored my Mother and Sister's wish for 14 years. I have stayed out of their lives. I didn't call, I didn't write, I stay removed from their lives completely--including staying out of my Grandmother, Auntie Marj and Cousin Sheila's lives.
Until. Right. Now. I'm stepping on the soapbox. I'm stepping up to the microphone. I want to be completely clear.
On Sunday, my beloved Cousin had a farewell for her beautiful, kind, loving, generous, gracious and encouraging mother, my Aunt.
On Sunday, my mother attended the tea--with a message for my Cousin. She asked Cousin if she had heard from me. Then proceeded to tell her that my Cancer was back.
1. Not great timing.
2. Drama seeking.
3. Attention hungry.
2. Not the truth.
So Mommy Dearest. I am asking the same courtesy I have given you. Stay out of my life. Stop creeping us on LinkedIn, Facebook, including this blog.
And here's another thing:
My girlfriend Pam once told me that "If it's not my story to tell--It's not my story to tell." So, Mother, it wasn't your story to tell. Please don't use my life to garner sympathy from your fellow Islanders.
Stepping off my soapbox.
I went to his office that week and was all ready to blast him. I remember saying, How DARE you tell me that I have to honor my Mother and Father. You have NO idea what you are asking me to do!
I remember him sitting on the other side of the room, looking like he was psychoanalyzing me....when he calmly said, do you believe the Bible?
Yes. I said rather sheepishly.
I preach the whole Bible was his answer.
He then went on to tell me about his tumultuous heritage and I realized...I didn't have a leg to stand on.
If I believe the Bible is the truth, then I have to believe that this command is to be taken seriously and I have to live it out somehow.
My friend said, You need to find a way, to honour your Mother.
That Mother's Day, I agonized over it, I wrote a letter, sent some photos of my kids. Done. She was honoured. She never replied.
I did it again the following Mother's Day, this time, I included my Grandmother (Mother's Step-Mother). No answer from my Mother, but I started a dialogue with my Grandmother.
All my Grandmother wanted was for this part of the family to be reconciled. She would ask me to phone my Mother and Sister, but I would blanch at it every time.
1. Do I want to invite this relationship back into my life? No, it's been rather drama-free without her.
2. Do I want to honour my Mother? Yes.
About 14 years ago, this past May 24th, my Grandmother called and said, it's your Sisters birthday. I knew it was, I thought about her during the day. She asked me to call her. Blanche. Stomach sinks into my legs and my heart stops. She just wanted reconciliation. She gave me the number and I dialed. It was just past 8 pm.
My sister answered and was curt. She said-I don't want you in my life. How did you get my phone number? I lied, I didn't want to get Grandma in trouble....I wasn't very good at....and my Mother and sister cut Grandma out of their lives for 9 months. Because she shared my Sisters phone number.
The message was clear. Stay out of my life.
So I have honored my Mother and Sister's wish for 14 years. I have stayed out of their lives. I didn't call, I didn't write, I stay removed from their lives completely--including staying out of my Grandmother, Auntie Marj and Cousin Sheila's lives.
Until. Right. Now. I'm stepping on the soapbox. I'm stepping up to the microphone. I want to be completely clear.
On Sunday, my beloved Cousin had a farewell for her beautiful, kind, loving, generous, gracious and encouraging mother, my Aunt.
On Sunday, my mother attended the tea--with a message for my Cousin. She asked Cousin if she had heard from me. Then proceeded to tell her that my Cancer was back.
1. Not great timing.
2. Drama seeking.
3. Attention hungry.
2. Not the truth.
So Mommy Dearest. I am asking the same courtesy I have given you. Stay out of my life. Stop creeping us on LinkedIn, Facebook, including this blog.
And here's another thing:
My girlfriend Pam once told me that "If it's not my story to tell--It's not my story to tell." So, Mother, it wasn't your story to tell. Please don't use my life to garner sympathy from your fellow Islanders.
Stepping off my soapbox.
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