The one where she steps up on her soapbox.

A number of years ago, probably close to 17, a friend of mine preached on "Honour your Mother and Father." (Exodus 20.12, Matthew 15.4..)

I went to his office that week and was all ready to blast him.  I remember saying, How DARE you tell me that I have to honor my Mother and Father.  You have NO idea what you are asking me to do!

I remember him sitting on the other side of the room, looking like he was psychoanalyzing me....when he calmly said, do you believe the Bible?

Yes.  I said rather sheepishly.

I preach the whole Bible was his answer.

He then went on to tell me about his tumultuous heritage and I realized...I didn't have a leg to stand on.

If I believe the Bible is the truth, then I have to believe that this command is to be taken seriously and I have to live it out somehow.

My friend said, You need to find a way, to honour your Mother.

That Mother's Day, I agonized over it, I wrote a letter, sent some photos of my kids.  Done.  She was honoured.  She never replied.

I did it again the following Mother's Day, this time, I included my Grandmother (Mother's Step-Mother).  No answer from my Mother, but I started a dialogue with my Grandmother.

All my Grandmother wanted was for this part of the family to be reconciled.  She would ask me to phone my Mother and Sister, but I would blanch at it every time.

1.  Do I want to invite this relationship back into my life?  No, it's been rather drama-free without her.
2.  Do I want to honour my Mother? Yes.

About 14 years ago, this past May 24th, my Grandmother called and said, it's your Sisters birthday.  I knew it was, I thought about her during the day.  She asked me to call her.  Blanche.  Stomach sinks into my legs and my heart stops.  She just wanted reconciliation.  She gave me the number and I dialed.  It was just past 8 pm.

My sister answered and was curt.  She said-I don't want you in my life.  How did you get my phone number?  I lied, I didn't want to get Grandma in trouble....I wasn't very good at....and my Mother and sister cut Grandma out of their lives for 9 months.  Because she shared my Sisters phone number.

The message was clear.  Stay out of my life.

So I have honored my Mother and Sister's wish for 14 years.  I have stayed out of their lives.  I didn't call, I didn't write, I stay removed from their lives completely--including staying out of my Grandmother, Auntie Marj and Cousin Sheila's lives.

Until. Right. Now. I'm stepping on the soapbox.  I'm stepping up to the microphone.  I want to be completely clear.

On Sunday, my beloved Cousin had a farewell for her beautiful, kind, loving, generous, gracious and encouraging mother, my Aunt.

On Sunday, my mother attended the tea--with a message for my Cousin.  She asked Cousin if she had heard from me.  Then proceeded to tell her that my Cancer was back.

1.  Not great timing.
2.  Drama seeking.
3.  Attention hungry.
2.  Not the truth.

So Mommy Dearest.  I am asking the same courtesy I have given you.  Stay out of my life.  Stop creeping us on LinkedIn, Facebook, including this blog.

And here's another thing:

My girlfriend Pam once told me that "If it's not my story to tell--It's not my story to tell."  So, Mother, it wasn't your story to tell.  Please don't use my life to garner sympathy from your fellow Islanders.

Stepping off my soapbox.