Huh?

It's amazing to me that other people can see such a clear vision of me that I don't see of myself.

My guest blogger is my biggest fan and I knew he had a perspective on my last year that I couldn't express on here--but I felt you, who have faithfully read this blog, deserved to hear.

Last year had its triumphs and depressing lows, but all-in-all, the big picture was grand, the microscopic view was devastating.

I chose the grand view, to volley from triumph to triumph....and I know that this is not my nature, but rather the nature of God manifested in me.

I am so thankful that I have learned to lean on Jesus.

This week, I was in my new job, as the "Administrative Assistant to the Director of Research".  Sounds impressive, and it is, but I actually have found that realistically I am the admin for 23 people.  It's true, I've counted.

It's an interesting place, where the higher the education the shorter the pants and I am not kidding.  They also have this amazingly anti-God attitude, and anti-organized religion.

I have not said a lot, I have been the social organizer, the coffee/tea maker, but I have stayed back and observed what the office politics are like.  I have to say, there really isn't any....

This week, I was sitting at my desk, plugging away at work--my desk sharing a wall with the staff room and the staff room door was open.

I realized as I was listening to conversation that I was glued to my seat.  I was afraid to go into the staff room.  My heart heavy with what I was listening to.  They were openly bashing Christians, Christianity and poking fun at church.

I thought, if I walked in and made comments like that about:  homosexuals, environmentalists or the SPCA in front of this group they would probably draw and quarter me.

My chest was heavy--and I knew I was just not brave enough to eat my lunch and listen to them talk, so I ate at my desk and I talked to God.

One of the things that I just don't think I will ever understand is why, why, why did He think leaving His message up to us was a good idea.

We fail so often and listening to the hurt of the people in the next room, made me ache.  As tears started to form--I walked to the bathroom--I needed an escape.

I don't know what the answer is for the situation I now find myself in, but I do know that I have been placed here.  There is no way I could have had this job and functioned over the last year, the Switchboard was perfect for that.....but now, Sunday night I am pulling on my big girl pants, getting my salad together for the St. Patrick's Day Potluck that I have coordinated for tomorrow -- and I am going to show those people the love of Jesus, to show them that not all Christians can be lumped into a single category.

To be real, to be loving, to be authentic.

And to be brave enough to eat lunch with them no matter what the topic of conversation.