Cindy. I'd like to say she is my oldest friend, but she is the same age as me--so, I will say this: she is my longest friend.
I met Cindy in Grade 4, shortly after my family moved from Bridgeview in Surrey to Newton also in Surrey, BC. She was a tiny, little, adorable girl. She was friendly and fun. At the same time, we met a friend named Teresa. The three of us were like small, medium and tall girl. We made a little bit of a "rag tag" friendship, but time would tell that this friendship was orchestrated.
I really believe in "such a time as this", Esther 4:14. I mean, Esther isn't the only one who was put into the "right place, right time".
As our friendship grew, Cindy and I found that we could be really honest with each other with the safety of knowing our secrets were safe with each other. So, we confided in each other--as we found adults just didn't listen or believe our stories, we had each other.
I remember a very significant day when the three of us girls, all being abused at home went to our school counsellor to ask for help.
The other two girls wouldn't talk, so I did. I explained my own situation when he retorted with a word that we all had to look up in the dictionary, we were after all 10 years old, limited vocabulary.
I went home that day and faced an oddity, my Dad was home. He was rarely home. So I went looking through a dictionary to find the word. I couldn't find it. As soon as I was to find it and find the definition, I was supposed to call Teresa. I couldn't call Cindy--she'd have to wait for the following day. (She wasn't permitted to receive phone calls.)
Seduce. As a 10 year old girl, I couldn't find it under the Cs, so I asked my Dad. And I will never forget his face I said, how do you spell seduce? He stopped, looked up from the dining room table and said, who told you that word? I had to give an explanation, so I made something up. He made something up. He said, it starts with S.
I found the definition, I got VERY angry and I called Teresa. Next day, we told Cindy and I remember Cindy being just and infuriated as I was.
The next time the counsellor was at our school, I believe the following week, I walked into his office, tears streaming down my face and I said, I do not seduce my brother. He blanched and did nothing. NOTHING. I was nearing my limit for trusting adults.
Over the next number of years, we consoled each other, we comforted each other. We looked at each others bruises, talked each other off our ledges when it just got too much to take. She encouraged me to tell my Mom, who was around slightly more than my Dad.
I told my mom, one Christmas season. My mom took off her plastic slipper and slapped my brother across the face. She told him that SHE would disciple me.
It was a little like watching a movie. Did that just happen...I knew, KNEW that I was in for it the MOMENT my mother left. And I wasn't disappointed. He choked me and beat me with a piece of wood--then raped me.
All she got from my story about my brother was he hit me repeatedly. She didn't even touch on the sexual abuse. I was now at my limit for trusting adults. I HATED my mother. She had an opportunity to rescue me and she denied me.
Looking back on all this -- I know that I did not make it through those years with out Cindy. She was a gift from God.
When we finished Grade 7, and I had to head onto Frank Hurt with out her--I remember just feeling lost. And I was.
It was in that time, that my Dad found out what was going on in his home. He dealt with it swiftly and kicked my brother out. Then, there was a statement made. It was either my mother or me, but my Dad had to make a decision.
As I got into the car to move with my Aunt and Uncle, he told me he was regretting this decision, but he didn't feel he had much choice. As I cried and he put his hands through my hair, I pleaded with him. Sitting in the front seat of the van, I pleaded with him. I hadn't done anything wrong (much...) to destroy this family.
At that point, my mother came out of the house to join us on our trip to Victoria. I instinctively moved to the back seat. In my 13 year old mind, I was now forever separated from Cindy.
Over the years, I would think of her with fondness, hoped that she had a good life, that she was able to battle out the demons that follow that kind of upbringing.
Years later, I had a beautiful baby girl and I have really worked hard to maintain a relationship with her--when she reached 13, I couldn't understand how someone could give up on her. I couldn't.
Melissa was bullied at that time so we put together a plan. We would go for coffee at SBs on Friday to celebrate the fact that she made it all week at school. We laughed together, we'd pray, we'd read our bible--to this day, she is my best friend.
During that time, a woman at SBs, said to Melissa and me, that she loved watching our friendship and relationship. So, I let her in a little at a time. At one time, she left SBs, she had broken her arm and needed income--so she moved down the mall to a clothing store. I sat with her on the curb and talked one day for about an hour. I was startled that I had spent that much time with a stranger when she said to me, "I feel drawn to you."
I was shocked.
She then asked for my name so she could add me to facebook. I'll never forget this for as long as I live. It was a Saturday. I sent her a friendship request on FB, she was "Simply Cindy".
Then, I woke Sunday morning, thinking oh, my gosh. What have I done. If I had 10 messages from Simply Cindy, I might have had 30. (She'll smile when she reads this..) She was up all night to see if I logged onto FB, she said, I can't believe this. I need to talk to you. Call me when you get this message...and it went on and on. I thought, what have I done. I have a stalker!
I called and left a message on her phone, I think she had finally gotten to sleep.
She called me back and we arranged that night to meet at Starbucks--she said she had something to tell me.
So we met and she said, I knew it would be your if I could see your blue eyes. I said, I knew it would be you if I could see her hands. We held hands and cried. We were reunited; my sister and me. We got caught up. Many, many years. Many, many tears.
Throughout the years since then, she has been my biggest supporter and fan. When I got sick, she was the only friend ready to jump to it, rush to Victoria to take care of me. She sent me notes of encouragement. When I had my last scare, she called me and said she'd be here tomorrow. I told her that we would worry when we knew that there would be something to worry about. It turned out--we didn't have anything to worry about.
Yesterday, she and her honey Rick landed in Victoria and we spent the day together and we had an awesome day. I just wanted to walk with her and talk. Take time to catch up with her.
Last night we had Rick and Cindy over for dinner--they are really an amazing couple and just so thankful for their friendship. So thankful that Cindy found Rick.
So, just as we were finishing up dinner, Cindy said to me, you know why I have pink in my hair right? For you! Back when I got sick, our mutual friend Lynn Waller organized a group that took part in the 24 hour relay in Kelowna, Run for a Cure. She dedicated that run to Me and another friend. It was at that time that Cindy put pink in her hair and from there she uses it as a conversation starter.
She loves me. She really, really loves me. When I think I have absolutely no one, or that I am completely alone in Victoria, I am so wrong. I don't know that there will ever be a time or a way for me to adequately express how much I love this woman, and how much I have appreciated her friendship over the very, very many years--but one day, somehow, I will find a way.
I love you Simply Cindy, my Sister and my friend.
Proverbs 17:17A - A friend loves at all times.
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