I.Am.The.Storm.

We all knew that this day would come.  Yesterday I go the call.  Earl's gonna die.


I will be heading to Victoria General Hospital on Friday, December 2 for the lumpectomy of Earl and then a sentinel node biopsy.


No problem right?


For the first time it really hit me that this is really, real.  I lost it, for about a minute.  I was driving--so I pulled myself together -- and gave myself a talking to.  You've got this Kim, God has walked this out ahead of you.  You have nothing to fear.


Two things came immediately to mind:

So, I started laughing in the car....on my way to Fairway...hopefully there's more clothing on Friday than strength and dignity....I probably looked a little like I needed access to mental health....


The second thing I thought of was:

I am the storm.  I am Earl's worst nightmare.  He didn't know what a fight he was picking when he picked on me.  He probably should've talked to Fred (2012s lump)


And of course that lead to more laughing.


Last night, we were invited into a prayer gathering that happens on Mondays at CPC, I'm not sure if you have to be invited, but it might be a good idea to make a reservation....you never know!


Kent and I spent almost 2 hours with the prayin' ladies and they covered us with prayer, encouragement, scriptures, reminders of God's faith.  I'm not going to lie, there are times in life when it just seems we get a good footing and something else hits us, we were weary entering the room.


We left feeling like a burden had been lifted.  I felt the wind back in my storm and this warrior is ready to fight.

'I want to inspire people. 

I want someone to look at me and say,

 "because of you, I didn't give up."'

-Unknown



Today, I can't even.

I literally can't even.

Yesterday I got a call from a person who has been through breast cancer treatment and was really trying to be supportive, but then told me about a family member who is now dying of cancer.

Did I mention I can't even?

I have been really positive through this, I've let things roll off my back, but today, I've reached a breaking point.

In my conversation with my friend we talked about post-treatment life.  It's not easy every time you feel something your thoughts go straight to ... it must be cancer.

Now, I'm not paranoid, but this is exactly like how we think--those of us who are post treatment.

Today, while at work, I started feeling off.  Not terrible, but just off.  And then it hits me,

I have a swollen lymph node in my neck.  In. My. Fricken. Neck.

It's on the left side where breast cancer was found.  It's on the left side where the lymph nodes have been painful in my armpit--and the whirling begins.

Ugh!  This treatment can't start soon enough.  Today, I'm stressed beyond my limit.  Yesterday, I was nearly in tears at work (during a meeting--excellently done, very professional....)

Tonight as I write this I can feel it, but I can't palpate it.

Is it in my head?  Absolutely.  Is it really a swollen lymph due to breast cancer?  Doubtful.  But that's exactly where my head goes.

This is going to be hard, but I have to get my mind back on track, take and Advil and go to bed early.  It's probably nothing more than a cold.

“Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.”

– Emory Austin

I have won the lottery! OK, not really.

When my GP told me that she would like to send me to the surgeons office - I asked for Alison Ross.  Alison was the surgeon who did my surgery on Fred, so the unnamed, unwanted mass, I have not so affectionately called Earl, will die by the same hands.

And yes, Earl has to die.

I had a great appointment with Alison and got an amazing amount of information.  Alison is like talking to a great long time friend.  She's simply amazing.  So the plan we came up with looks like this:

1. I have booked a pre-op appointment with my GP.

2. Alison is going to send a referral to BCCA to do the gene testing for breast cancer. (I didn't do this years ago because it would mean contacting my biological mother/sister).

3. Alison is going to send a referral to a plastic surgeon to start the process of the bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction.

4. We will do a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy as soon as possible—probably in the next 2-3 weeks. Just to get rid of the cancer. I will need to be off work for 7-10 days to recuperate. The biopsies will go to the BC Cancer Agency and a plan will be drawn up for treatment

5. I will then start treatment at BCCA whatever that looks like, it could be as little as radiation treatment, it could include chemotherapy. That has yet to be determined.

6. I should have the gene testing back by then. (it takes 4 months) If I have the gene for breast cancer, we will absolutely proceed with the mastectomies and reconstruction. If I don’t have the gene, we’ve discussed going ahead with the mastectomies as she stated I statistically have an 8-40% chance of getting the breast cancer back. This gives me time to consider if I want to do something so radical or not.

If I had a 8-40% chance of winning the lottery, I'd buy a ticket every single day.  Since initially writing this, I have decided to go ahead with the mastectomies and reconstruction regardless of the gene testing.

I have done my preoperative appointment, I have an appointment next week to meet with Dr. Jennifer Robinson to discuss the mastectomies and reconstructions.  I have a potential surgical date for December 2nd.  If there is a bumping I'll be bumped to December 6th, but I won't be bumped off that list.

I have to get Christmas ready this weekend and finish painting our bedroom.  I think I may be doing my Christmas shopping online....and I'll be queuing up Netflix.  I think I am going to enjoy recuperating.

Here we go again.

Last year, I worked for a full week while Kent was away working on my Halloween costume:

It started like this--I asked on FB, what do you think I'm going as for Halloween? No one got it until the 3rd picture was posted.

I went as a jellyfish!

This year I updated the jellyfish a little and went to work. 

Last year at around Halloween, my coworker and I joined Information Management and Information Technology Department's social committee.  This year, we went to their Halloween party.  I entered the costume contest and won!  First place!!

It was a great distraction to the pending news.

I had realized that I had booked my appointment with my GP when we were throwing a surprise birthday party for my boss.  I called to move my appointment to Friday morning when I was told to come in the following morning.

The GPs office moved my appointment up by 4 days!  I knew in the pit of my belly, this wasn't good news.

November 1, Kent and I went our GP to find out that nope, it's not good news.  Not at all. 

Invasive Ductal Carcinoma - oh, good.

Invasive ductal carcinoma (IDC), sometimes called infiltrating ductal carcinoma, is the most common type of breast cancer. About 80% of all breast cancers are invasive ductal carcinomas.

Invasive means that the cancer has “invaded” or spread to the surrounding breast tissues. Ductal means that the cancer began in the milk ducts, which are the “pipes” that carry milk from the milk-producing lobules to the nipple. Carcinoma refers to any cancer that begins in the skin or other tissues that cover internal organs — such as breast tissue. All together, “invasive ductal carcinoma” refers to cancer that has broken through the wall of the milk duct and begun to invade the tissues of the breast. Over time, invasive ductal carcinoma can spread to the lymph nodes and possibly to other areas of the body.

Breast Cancer Information

Here we go again.  My GP is sending a referral to a surgeon and this will begin a cascade of appointments.  If you're looking for an update, I'll post it here.

Cancer is hard

Life is not simple.  I know I'm preaching to the choir.  My friend's recent post hits the nail on the head:

"Cancer is hard.

Being diagnosed with Cancer is hard.

Feeling alone with Cancer is hard.

Wondering if you've made it through Cancer treatment and are actually Cancer free is hard. 

Cancer is just so hard."

T. Melia

So, supposedly,  my biological mother had breast cancer.  Supposedly, my biological (full-blooded) sister had breast cancer.  I was told that my sister was diagnosed at 26.  Now, I would love to drop the "supposedly" but there is really nothing that can be believed that comes from the two of them.  At that time, I went to my Doctor and told him the update.  He was brilliant and started me on yearly (screening) mammograms when I was just 32.  Completely out of the guidelines for screening mammograms. I have continued that schedule to this day. 

Last year in 2015, as I was leaving I was told to "skip" next year because the science just didn't support having (screening) mammograms in your 20s-40s.  Well, science, schmience.

I delayed getting my mammo this year because Kent and I had planned to go to the UK and France for our anniversary. (I will update this blog eventually!)

When I got back, I booked my appointment for October 24th.  (I normally book my physical/mammo to coincide with my birthday--can't forget it then!) It was short, sweet and nearly uncomfortable-free.  (It's never really painful....)  That was Friday.

On Monday, October 27th, I had just dropped Kent off for work (he was due to be out of town all week), I headed to the gym.  Minutes later, my phone rings, and I need a diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound. They booked me in for the first available appointment for Wednesday.  I had a little freak out, but then googled some statistics.  20% of all screening mammograms are called back of those only 8-10% are found to have breast cancer.

Wednesday morning, I got in the car and went to Victoria General Hospital for my appointment.  I was cheery and really not very worried that they would find anything.

I asked if I could see 2015s and 2016s views side by side.  I have to say, I was a little stunned.  There it was, a new, little unwanted formation in my breast.  We did the diagnostic mammo and she enlarged it so we could see it more clearly, and low and behold it looked like it had veins, even an artery! I thought very evil thoughts about the unnamed intruder.

I had the ultrasound and was laughing and goofing off -- then the tech said, we'll have to do a biopsy, can you stay?  I said of course.  When the physician came in to do the biopsy we laughed and talked then he said, ok let me see the screen and when he saw it -- his demeanor completed changed.  I outright told him and his team that they need to work on their "poker face".  He laughed, a forced low laugh....and I said, ya, like that...

I watched the biopsy on the screen, 3 little bits wound up in a solution and off to the lab it went.  I was told the results would be back in 4-5 business days and make an appointment to see my GP.

I got dressed, left the hospital and made it to my car when I came completely unglued.  I was crying so hard I couldn't see my car.

You see, cancer is hard.  And I knew I was looking at breast cancer.  I got myself into the car and cried and cussed for a full 20 minutes on my way back to my office.

I just got back to my office and I'm stunned.  Even though for 16 years of mammos, this just didn't seem to be a reality. 

My appointment is now booked with my GP for Friday, November 4th.  And now we wait.

The renovation starts...finally

This post is going to be coming and going for probably the remainder of the year.  So, here it starts.

We've decided to finally start the renovations that we had planned when we purchased this house in July 2011.  It's only been 5 years in the making!

In our defence, we didn't do the renovation in 2012 due to Fred the cancerous lump.  Each year since then, it's been a struggle to either catch up to unemployment or something, so 2016 is the year!

We have decided to reno our bedroom and add a closet.  The front bedroom will be turned into my office as I am encouraged to work from home with my new job.

Next we moved  from our bedroom into the spare room.  This is tough,  not only will we not have rental income from the room, we are going to be spending money.  This, I am not good at.  In fact, I'm terrible at this.

Then, we needed to find a way to deal with the debris we were going to accumulate.  So, while cruising online I found an old tent trailer.  We offered him about $100 and put about $26 worth of insurance on it.  We knocked out the "tent" part of it and voila a trailer to carry our debris!

So, I started into the walls.  We were sure it was 'under' insulated, but we really had no idea.  There wasn't a stitch of insulation in any of the office walls.  We cleared the lathe and plaster from the room and then broke into our room.  (Max did this while I was in Saskatoon).

Other than finding that there is not a stitch of insulation, we've had to redo the electrical work.  Due to the way that the floor was laid, we've had to pull up the baseboard trim--past the wood floor.

So far, nothing in this renovation has been easy or simple...that's what makes a renovation right?

We've moved almost everything out of the room, we started with a clean slate. 

I've masked off the room to keep the dust from going anywhere else in the house.  I've also covered the floor with cardboard to protect the wood floor.

Due to a poor set of lungs, Kent made me wear a respirator while I tore apart the walls.  It was an amazingly dusty job!

The only insulation is a birds nest!

It took forever, probably 4 hours to get this wall clean--exposed knob and tube wiring exposed.

29 January 2016

29 January 2016 - Today marks the 4th anniversary that we found Fred the lump.  Not gonna lie, I don't miss him a little bit!

We mark anniversaries of all sorts in our house, tonight--we celebrate. 

Ding Dong, Fred is gone!

When you ring in the New Year with a Migraine....

December 31, when you ring in the new year with a migraine it might be an omen on the year.  Right?

I remember years ago crying in the new year and it was definitely an omen...of sorts.  It was a rough year.

I've been thinking and walking around on egg shells and decided to ditch that thought and embrace the year.  No more negative nelly.

And then the deaths started.  Has there ever been a year when so many people that have touched your life have left the earth in such a short time?

Natalie Cole
David Bowie
Alan Rickman
Glenn Fry
Abe Vigoda

The week that David Bowie, Alan Rickman and Glenn Fry passed...what a week.

I remember finding David Bowie's music and being profoundly drawn to not only the sound, but what he said.  Then he married Iman and I was hooked.

Alan Rickman, who can forget the Sherriff of Nottingham, (1991 Robin Hood Prince of Thieves), Colonel Brandon, (1995 Sense and Sensibility), or Harry (2003 Love, Actually).  He was an amazing Actor and he will be missed.

Then, Glenn Fry, I was speechless.  This was meaning that I am getting to the age where -- people who influenced me are leaving the earth.....and way too many, way too fast!

How did I get that old?  I still remember being in Grade 3 when the teacher told us we could leave for lunch if someone in the room could do the following math problem.  How old will you be when the year 2000 comes around.  2000-1968=I'll never get to that age!  I honestly thought I'd never see it.

Glenn Fry gave me songs I could sing to.  Thank you Glenn, Natalie and David for the music.  I'm still singing.

I can't tell you why - The Eagles

Let's Dance - David Bowie

The Horie Family Year in Review (June - December)

In June Melissa graduated from University with a BSc, in Microbiology and Immunology.  We were incredibly proud of her.  It was so quickly after our trip to the UK, none of us could be there.  

We had an opportunity in June we just couldn't turn down.  We became Beekeepers!

{Insert Bee stats}

June was back to work and what a whirl wind turned out to be.

In June I had my normal workload plus 3 pay periods to catch up on.  Kent had a bunch of training to do -- because July was coming and fire season was in full swing.

Fire Season.  We knew Kent would be busy, but we had no idea.  In a 62 day period this summer Kent was gone for 31. 

So I kept the house going and Kent was in and out.  When he was home, he was on call a lot so he was busy all summer.

June we said good bye to Philipp and Angel.  They were our German and Mexican students and we were really, really sad to see them go.  Philipp's mom and sister came to tour BC, Alberta and Alaska.  We had them stay over one night before they were on their way.

July we had 2 new students come for the month.  Adrian and Carlos came from Mexico.  They were adorable.  We again, were sad when the month went by so fast--the amazing thing about having all these students come and go, we have extended family all over the world.

It was in July when Kent said he had to go to Pemberton.  Pemberton.  The place that people go to but don't come out of.  Seriously, all of his coworkers had gone to Pemberton but at the time of his departure, NO ONE had come back.  So, I said, See ya, it's been nice knowing you.

Kent was stationed right beside the music festival and they partied until 4.45am and Kent's alarm was set for 6.  He came home exhausted.

In August, Kent got home from Pemberton with just enough time to get to Tofino.  The Fricker side of the family gathered for Nathan and Emily's wedding in Tofino.  It was a gorgeous weekend, we had a blast with our family.  I was a very proud Auntie to see Nathan chose such an amazing woman, my sister Arlene looked fabulous -- it was a great weekend.

At the end of August, I had a meltdown.  We celebrated out 4th Victorian anniversary--that is a great thing!  Although we felt completely alone here.  It's difficult to find friends here and I love having time with Kent, Lucas and Max, other friends are essential in life.  It's great to have so much time with Kent--please don't get me wrong.

In September, I decided it was time to leave Colwood Church.  I'd had enough of feeling included when we were with in the doors of the church, but Sunday afternoon to Saturday night we didn't have any contact with church goers.  I made a plan to leave, to finish up the obligations we had.  It was announced that the Church was hearing this same thing from many people so they decided to do a Community Groups.  We joined a group and have made some friends. 

To make friends Kent and I joined Friends of Music Society.  We are learning the ukulele in a group.  We thought this would be a good way to make friends.....then, first night, I thought, this is a little "different" group....but I couldn't put my finger on it.

A couple weeks in, I asked and the group is called a "mixed nuts" group.  Community members mixing with people who have mental health issues and need to be integrated into community.  Well, that explained a few things.

In September we had decided not to have any students.  The school said if we didn't take 2 we didn't get any......they sealed that decision for us.  Then, they called with, we have one.....so we took in Miguel from Spain.

For Thanksgiving, we went to Saskatchewan.  We had a weekend with the whole family.  We skipped having thanksgiving dinner and opted to serve dinner down the street to the Indian Friendship Society.  We loved it--we had a blast!  It was really hard to say goodbye and come home.  It's always tough to leave Melissa and Jon.

November we opened out house to Anna, she was moving here from Kelowna and we thought it would be good for me to have another girl around.  Except, she's never here, she works so much.  She has been a joy, she is currently readying herself to move out...she's finding a place this month (January) with her boyfriend.

We took a quick trip to the Okanagan in November.  I came home exhausted.  We spent the days with my parents but then we would race to Kelowna to see friends.  We went on walks with my parents and watched a ton of day time TV.  We did have the chance to see a number of friends that are family.  We got to hold Lady Aspen Grey right after she was born.  We hung out with Kim and Chris Tingstad and their kids, we saw Jadon and Natasha, just before they got married.  We spent Sunday at Emmanuel Assembly, it's always going to be home.  It's had some big changes, but the people we the same, friendly, loving.  Home.

In November, I had an opportunity to move out of Research and Capacity Building and I took a job with Research Ethics and Compliance.  It's been a steep learning curve, I love the team and I love my job.  Over the next 7 weeks, I did my new job and transitioned out of my old job.

December, I was still transitioning.  It was a long hard haul.  In fact, as I write this, I am still transitioning.  I get calls and emails daily for my old job.  Sometimes, I let my phone ring--thinking that if I don't give an instant answer, they'll figure it out themselves.  :)

We had a great Christmas, small and understated.  Max, Lucas, Kent and I ate, played games, watched movies and chilled.  It's the first year in YEARS that Kent had to work the week of Christmas and New Years.  I took the week of Christmas off and chilled.  I was so happy not to be working.

As I've looked back over 2015, it feels like we are finally hitting our stride in Victoria. 

I'm looking forward to what 2016 has to offer. It's gonna be great, right?