The Intense Moments of Darkness - Tales from Everest

I have the most amazing job.  I really love my job and my office view is breathtaking:

I've taken to going for walks along the beach at lunch for a break.  It's amazing being here.

One habit that I have gotten into to block out the noise from a co-worker or the daycare we used to sit beside....I listen to documentaries online.  I have my favourites:

The History of Scotland

Anything about the Royal Family (including the Germanic tree)

New Research

Everest, K2, Mt. Hood

Titanic

Today, I am listening to a presentation on Everest when this quiet voiced lady states:  "We learn from these intense moments of darkness."  (The Call of Everest, Emily Harrington)  She then later states, I am *so* grateful for this experience.

She obviously made it both up and down the mountain.  (She stopped for a selfie at the top and instagrammed it from Camp 4.)  She's young and determined, she grew up in the climbing community and she knew what she was getting into.

I was left thinking about the harshness of life.  I have to admit, I was into my late 20s before I realized that some of my decisions were making my life more difficult, and then about 30, a process of real change started in my life.

It started with losing a fear of man.  It then rolled into a loss of fear of making mistakes.  It then morphed into this passion for a relationship with God.  Something I hadn't seen coming.  It started with a season when I didn't have my bible out of reach of my hands.  That practice has continued to today, with the youversion app on my phone.  I also quit all kinds of "other music", concentrating on the idea that if I had spare time - I'd spend it with God. 

The last time I felt that kind of passion for God, I was in my teens and I loved it.

When the darkness hit, about 6 years ago this month, with the move to Victoria, all the crap that July 2011 had in it--that has seemed to span off and on until today--I know that that the "intense moments of darkness" can continue, because I really do love the out come.

See, If I stay mold-able, if I keep my eyes on the prize, the other stuff is just stuff-momentary hurt, pain and darkness, because of the Hope that I have. 

This past week, Shawn Chapman (my pastor) spoke about that faith.  Listen HERE.   It was a complete confirmation to me that I have been walking out my faith appropriately.  The scripture he used was what I clung to in the dark moments last year when I was staring Breast Cancer in the face.  I have had people say I am apathetic, or in denial....but then I think, they are entitled to their opinion, but isn't this what a MATURE faith should look like?

Just like Emily Harrington, who spent her life on the mountain was prepped and readied for her trip up Everest....I feel like I have been prepped and readied for the days that come.  And they do come.

I honestly am left with a resilience and a "God's got this" attitude.  I'll sweat the darkness for a day or two, but then remember to release it to the One who has the ability to handle it all and gives me the strength to bear it all up.

I am grateful for all the darkness.

Determined, Beautiful Old Soul

This blog feels 100 years ago.  I can hardly believe the last post was in the throws of recovering from that brutal surgery.

Today's thoughts have been completely orchestrated by my work from home schedule.  I love my job, I absolutely ADORE being able to work from home.  I get so much more done at home than at the office.  The interruptions are limited to what I let in via email and my phone ringing.

Today, I started listening to Google Music, Lifehouse Channel.  Excellent mix of music from of course, Lifehouse, Goo Goo Dolls, Rob Thomas, The Fray, Switchfoot and Matt Kearney.

Matt Kearney.

You know how music can bring you back to a moment and when you hear the song, it brings you back through the years to an exacting moment.

I bring you to Matt Kearney - Nothing Left To Lose

When Melissa turned 15 I took her on a week away.  I told her I'd take her anywhere, she chose Victoria.  There was a Titanic Exhibit at the Royal BC Museum.  I knew that our week would be full of beach combing, art exhibits and museums, tea and talks.

I think I was looking forward to it as much as she was. I have so many great memories from this trip.  It was really meant to be a "right of passage".  I know now it's fashionable to do this, but at the time, I only knew of a documentary that showcased ethnic groups that made their children suffer some hardship (standing on a pole over night then having to go on a solo hunting trip) to signify the change between childhood and adulthood.  I couldn't send Melissa on a solo hunting trip......

I remember watching that documentary and thinking....she'll get a Driver's License and a Dogwood Diploma and we'll say ... There.  She's an Adult!

I wanted more for my kids.  So, the Rite-of-Passage was birthed to all 15 year old Horie's.

The day that I remember hearing that song by Matt Kearney, we had gone up Island to hike Little Qualicum Falls, we stopped at Goats on the Roof, we were headed home.  The sun was setting, Melissa and I were having a quiet moment in the car.

I can close my eyes and see her to my right, thoughtful in expression, the sun setting out her car window....and I felt so much love. Love--indescribable love.

I don't hear that song often, but when I do I am rushed back to that moment.  In the times that I think I have insanely failed as a Mom, wife, I remember that moment, where everything in my world was so great.  Stinkingly stupendous.

That was 10 years ago.  She now lives so far away.  She outsmarted me years ago.  She is a fabulous wife, a determined Scientist.  A beautiful old soul who loves music, baking bread and drinking tea.  She is so loved.  Everyone who meets her, loves her.  She has solid friendships, she is loving and kind.

And she's mine.  I know that God loves me because she is an answer to prayer.  Thank you God for my Beth.