I have the most amazing job. I really love my job and my office view is breathtaking:
I've taken to going for walks along the beach at lunch for a break. It's amazing being here.
One habit that I have gotten into to block out the noise from a co-worker or the daycare we used to sit beside....I listen to documentaries online. I have my favourites:
The History of Scotland
Anything about the Royal Family (including the Germanic tree)
New Research
Everest, K2, Mt. Hood
Titanic
Today, I am listening to a presentation on Everest when this quiet voiced lady states: "We learn from these intense moments of darkness." (The Call of Everest, Emily Harrington) She then later states, I am *so* grateful for this experience.
She obviously made it both up and down the mountain. (She stopped for a selfie at the top and instagrammed it from Camp 4.) She's young and determined, she grew up in the climbing community and she knew what she was getting into.
I was left thinking about the harshness of life. I have to admit, I was into my late 20s before I realized that some of my decisions were making my life more difficult, and then about 30, a process of real change started in my life.
It started with losing a fear of man. It then rolled into a loss of fear of making mistakes. It then morphed into this passion for a relationship with God. Something I hadn't seen coming. It started with a season when I didn't have my bible out of reach of my hands. That practice has continued to today, with the youversion app on my phone. I also quit all kinds of "other music", concentrating on the idea that if I had spare time - I'd spend it with God.
The last time I felt that kind of passion for God, I was in my teens and I loved it.
When the darkness hit, about 6 years ago this month, with the move to Victoria, all the crap that July 2011 had in it--that has seemed to span off and on until today--I know that that the "intense moments of darkness" can continue, because I really do love the out come.
See, If I stay mold-able, if I keep my eyes on the prize, the other stuff is just stuff-momentary hurt, pain and darkness, because of the Hope that I have.
This past week, Shawn Chapman (my pastor) spoke about that faith. Listen HERE. It was a complete confirmation to me that I have been walking out my faith appropriately. The scripture he used was what I clung to in the dark moments last year when I was staring Breast Cancer in the face. I have had people say I am apathetic, or in denial....but then I think, they are entitled to their opinion, but isn't this what a MATURE faith should look like?
Just like Emily Harrington, who spent her life on the mountain was prepped and readied for her trip up Everest....I feel like I have been prepped and readied for the days that come. And they do come.
I honestly am left with a resilience and a "God's got this" attitude. I'll sweat the darkness for a day or two, but then remember to release it to the One who has the ability to handle it all and gives me the strength to bear it all up.
I am grateful for all the darkness.
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