Did I Just Say THAT?

Radiation burns.  Not fun.  As much as I soak it -- it burns, as much as I put on cream it soaks in and it continues to burn.  I find it frustrating but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I have been patient with this so far, I can hang on another 7-10 days.  That's what the Radiation Oncologist said it would take to heal.

I blogged about the bank heist I was planning while I was under the influence of the overdose, but I haven't had the brain capacity to really remember all the other plans I had at that time.  Some of them, were amazing I am sure.  I wish that I had either recorded myself, or written down my plans.  My head was whirring with ideas.

The other thing I had wished was writing down or recording some of my "mix-ups".  I often get the beginning of a sentence mixed up with that last part.  In fact, I get the front  of a word mixed up with the last...like a Melissa Horie as Melorie Horissa--as Elise and Melissa would say.

On Monday night, I was explaining to a friend that Jamie is a part of our family.  What I meant to say was, "She is now Jamie Nearing-Horie"

Ya, that's not what came out.  What came out was....are you ready for this...?

I said, "She is now Jamie Nearly-Horing"

Oh, ya and I didn't say it once, but twice.

When we got in the car to go home my family, including Jamie told me what I said, as we started to laugh about my unbelievably horrible faux pas....I thought, now, I can laugh at these things.  Earlier, like  the month of June, it wasn't so funny.

I am feeling more like myself every day.  I am feeling like I have more energy and loving every minute of it!

Day One Post Treatment

Dinner has been ready since 11.30 am.  I can see how the next number of weeks is going to go.

When the Dr says take it easy, you are recuperating...all I can think is--that is exactly what I have been doing for months.  And months.  And Months...

I know I don't have a ton of energy, but I still long for SOMETHING to do.  I don't want to sound ungrateful, but seriously, how much sitting around can one girl do?

Doesn't lack of movement breed lack of movement?  Like, lack of energy breeds a lack of energy?  Shouldn't I be challenging myself?

Well, then I walk up a set of stairs...and I realize, I have lost a ton of lung capacity and muscle strength.

So, I now sit on the couch with Pippin curled up beside me and I blog.

Today I had a visit with a really precious friend named Sandy.  Not that Sandy, the other one.  We met for coffee and then sat in my backyard and talked.  We have such a great connection that is deep and we pick up right where we left off, although we haven't seen each other in months.  She challenges me in my relationship with God in great ways.  When we have talked, then it's time to pray.  I love that.  There is always purpose to our times together but there is always laughter and fun--what a great combination!

We caught up on all that's happened in the past number of months and found that the more we talk the more we are similar and honestly, she understands me....in a way that not many people do.

Today, we talked about being in leadership.  I don't like being a "leader" but there have been times in my life that it has been a necessity.  So, I explain to Sandy this, and she gets it.  I don't like being a leader, although I like acknowledgement for what I have done, I don't like being in front of people, or the focus of attention.

Which brings me to my next topic.  My birthday.  It's coming up pretty fast, and I love the idea of a party, but not just for the sole purpose of celebrating me.

I'd rather not thanks.

So, as far as I know there is a party planned--or in the planning stages.  It's time to embrace the fact that I am one year older and that's ok, it's just the attention I am having trouble with--and probably will forever.

Best. Day. Ever!

Today was my last radiation appointment.

I am free!!!  I have been emancipated!!!  

I am still under the watchful eye of the Radiation Oncologist and Medical Oncologist.

Sigh.

I have been waiting for the You-Are-Now-Cancer-Free-Moment to arrive, but I have been getting these super vague probability and statistics answers...

Today I was passed from service to service.  From Radiation Tech to Nurse to Radiation Oncologist.  I have a pretty nasty burn on my leg and I have been following all the treatments to make it better...today they starting talking about it "breaking open"

Gah.  That sounds nasty.

Today it was painful enough that I succumbed to taking Tylenol for it.  I can't wear pants, I can't even wear knickers--all of it chafes my skin and irritates it.

So I sit here--celebrating my last radiation appointment with a glass of water.  Wooo!  Party!

They said that I would still feel the effects of the treatment for 7-10 days, take it easy, don't get depressed, don't try to do too much.  The Rad Onc feels that I should be on the "upswing" by October.

She missed the memo -- I am headed back to work AND I have asked a friend to be my personal trainer to get my energy back.  I can't climb 3 flights of stairs without being winded.  That. Has. To. Stop.

I have a feeling I am the one missing the memo......Like that hasn't happened before.

I told this story this weekend, it got laughs so I am going to try and tell it here.

Melissa and I went to Chatters prior to the wedding to have her eyebrows waxed.  When we were done, I took the woman's card and told her when my eyebrows come in I would have her clean them up for me.

So--a couple weeks ago, I had convinced myself to stop looking for hair.  I let them come.  I didn't pluck anything.

Then one day over a week ago, I see a stray eyebrow and I lean into the bathroom mirror to get it when...

BAM!  I see it.

A Hitler mustache hanging out under my nose!  Under my very nose!!  How dare they!

So I run to my purse, get the card out of my wallet and make an emergency call to Chatters.

They can squeeze me in.

Thank. You. Jesus.

So, I had my lip waxed and although they have tried to come back...they broke off and fell out.

This could all be over...and we are back to normal.  No more mustaches.

On the hair front, I have a lot of hair.  It's just really, really short.  I do have an admission to make.  A few weeks back when the hair was just starting to sprout and I had a panic attack that it was actually blonde.

Ya, not so much as WHITE!  You heard me, WH-IIIITE.

As the week as progressed it has gotten darker and darker, more like my normal black/brown hair.  Yes, I am thankful.

And it is growing amazingly fast.  I almost have a full head of hair, there are a few places where they are lagging behind, but they have been through a lot so I am trying to be patient with them as they catch up with the rest of the gang.

By Christmas, I could actually give myself a real live hair cut!

Best. Day. EVER!

She has no idea.

The desires of my heart.

Thank you Robbins Parking for yet another ticket.

Ugh.

I am quite sure I spend more money on parking tickets than I do at Starbucks.  I am not bragging here.

So, in a mad rush to make my 12.15 appointment today I parked -- didn't have time to get a ticket and RAN to the front door.  I made my appointment because they were running behind, but I ended up having to pay $25 for parking for 20 minutes--next time--I will be late.

Yesterday when I was in--they said that I would have to go see the RN or the Doctor, my skin wasn't looking good..."it's looking burnt" the tech said.  Ya, you are burning me EVERY day, what do you think it's going to look like after 15 days?

Sigh.

I hate going to the Doctor, so I got my instructions and set to make sure that by the time I got there today it would be much, much improved.

So I bought the cream they suggested, I soaked in salt water like they said...and today it's looking better.  Thank goodness!

Tomorrow, Kent and I are headed to Kelowna.  I have been complaining (in my head) that I haven't had a chance for a Summer holiday, get off this rock and have some fun, relax with Kent...

We are going to be dropping off Melissa and Jonathan's stuff and then basically turning around and heading right back to Victoria.  At least, it is a change of scenery, it's a chance to see M and J, it's a chance to put my feet in the lake!

Then it started me thinking about other things, my job, Max getting a job, having Tucker here for 10 days, Jamie moving in and securing a full time job,  I am really blessed and that is the good stuff just from this week!

In all these things I am really seeing that God really does want to give me the desires of my heart--I only have to ask and in His timing and in His plan, He gives.

The Real Housewives

Will the real housewives please stand up?

I had a great talk with a friend last night.  He was telling Kent and I about his life when he said something that today has left me mulling over life.

I was telling him that I am ok with doing the housework, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc...I am a little bit of a throw back to a 50s housewife in that respect--but I also like to work outside of the house.

He said, we hire someone to come in and do that. (Meaning...housework.)

His wife is a stay-at-home-mom.

When I started to think of the things that I do, (did before I got sick and am slowly starting to do again...) I just couldn't believe that being home all day you'd not have time to clean or cook!

And for that matter...I am too cheap to do that.

It made me re-think something that has come and gone from my thoughts these past number of months.  In some ways I think I have failed Kent this year.  I know he wouldn't say it--but my lack of input in the house, yard, cars, finances has really had it's toll on me--I can only imagine how it's been for him.

He has been doing a lot.

I have always worked, always put a paycheck into the family bank account, I have always volunteered, I have always been busy and tired.

I have pushed this thought from my head a number of times because there is no value in thinking like that.  I know Kent wouldn't put that on me, so why should I be allowed to?

My friend Pam said to me something like: women who do their own housework have a pride in their home and take ownership of their home unlike women who don't.  I love that---It's so true.

So, I just put a load of laundry on, started doing some dinner stuff, cleaned the kitchen and bathroom.  And to treat myself.....

I AM GOING TO WORK TOMORROW!

Oh, God is good.

I am doing a 4 hour re-training time and then I will be put back into the schedule for work.

If you are wondering I am still doing radiation.  I am finished 13/20 treatments, but the BC Cancer Agency and my office are willing to work around a work schedule.

I. Am. Thrilled.

Finding my voice

Today I went to my radiation appointment and I had that moment--you know the one--when you're on the bed and you think either these techs are getting this really wrong and the previous techs have been doing it right OR these ones are doing it right and the others have been..dead...wrong.

After the mishap with overdosing me on a med earlier--I have learned to speak up when I think something is wrong.

I looked at the tech, she had her marker in her hand and she was literally drawing all over my leg, and tummy.  I said, the other techs didn't do that.  It's making me really nervous.  She asked me why the marker was making me nervous.  So I explained, 12 treatments into this, you are the first one to do this!

She told me that they were marking me so they didn't have to move the bolus (*) between treatments.  They would place everything, get it all lined up then head out and hit me 3 time with the radiation as always.

Oh, I said.  That makes sense.

They walked out and did 2 hits of the radiation.  Then, just before the 3rd one in she walks to move the bolus.  It didn't work, the bolus is just not big enough.

The interesting thing about the bolus I have learned:  it helps bring the radiation up to the surface of the skin.  So without it--does it go right through you?

On hairy note: my scalp was a lot less painful today.  When I took a look at it--ta-da!  Little itty bitty BROWN/BLACK hairs!  They are super fine, not like the coarse, thick hair that didn't ever leave my scalp.

I have a new perspective on short hair.  My hair is short.

My eyebrows are almost all in, my eyelashes are now almost the normal length.  I never dreamed I'd be so happy to see hair.

On a completely unrelated hair note--Jamie moves in today.  She just texted me that she is just getting off the ferry.  We are all excited that she has decided to come here.  She has a full time job at an area Starbucks and she is going to be saving money for school.

God is good to us, we hover around the "empty-nest" but never quite becoming "empty-nesters".  That suits us just fine!

(*) Bolus: a mass of scattering material, such as wax or paraffin, placed between the radiation source and the skin to achieve a pre-calculated isodose pattern in the tissue irradiated.

Just like a watched pot doesn't boil, a watched head grows no hair

If last August was the month of moving...this August is the month of company.

When we lived in Kelowna we rarely had people stay with us or for that matter come over to visit, although invites were extended.  (For a season we hosted many nights of social activity competing with the East Side Party house...ours was known as the West Side Party house.)  I always thought it had to do with the fact that we had a dog or cats, but we still have the animals--but now, I am changing the sheets on the bed with ferocious regularity!

Josh and Carly just left, I missed their departure as I was at a radiation appointment.  Tucker just arrived for 10 days of mischief and fun with Pippin.  Tomorrow Jamie arrives and Sunday John arrives.

It is such a great feeling to have the room to accommodate the company we have had so far.

Today marks 11 of 20 treatments completed and I have an appointment tomorrow with Dr. P.  Not sure who that is, but I have a feeling it's a GP Oncologist.  Dr. P will more than likely be checking up on my symptoms...not really there to answer any deep questions.  Like....am I cancer free?  And how will we know that I am cancer free?  I don't want the probability and statistics answer.  I want, am I pregnant or not answer.  A yes or no is all I am looking for.

I have several questions for God when this life is through, one of them has to do with the hair loss part of this journey.  Why, for example does the hair on your head fall out first?  Why not your legs?  Why if it falls out of your head first, why doesn't it grow back there first?  Why, when it seems to be growing back does it hurt so much!

So I am learning, just like a watched pot doesn't boil, a watched head grows no hair.

What has sprouted is blonde.  Seriously blonde.  Ugh.  Never in my life have I wanted to be blonde.  This is a serious affront to my sensibilities.....I am kidding--it's not.  I am happy just to have the smattering of hair I do--it means it's a-comin!

Mentoring from a distance.

My heart is broken.  I am sick to my stomach.

My adult life has been dedicated to helping and mentoring teenagers.  I remember moving to Kelowna and being a youth leader in a church that had a small youth and young adults group...without a youth pastor. The interesting part of that job was that I was 1-2 years older than the oldest youth in the group.  Sometimes--it was awkward.

I love teenagers.  I honestly think of all the things God created, the teenager is the best, most complex, beautiful and fragile.

I got a message from a teenager today (I know she reads my blog..Hi!), an a teenaged boy sent her a message--peppered with swear words and woman hate.  The words of the text have seared on my heart and it wasn't directed at me.

How can it make her feel?

No man, for that matter, no person should talk to another human being like that.  I am so sorry for this beautiful girl.

The saddest part for me is I know she is probably angry but now those words have been spewed at her like darts, she is possibly now, picking them off of her and she is putting them in her handbag, to carry for a long time.

I know how women think.

When I was called useless by the woman recently in Safeway, I didn't even let the dart sink in, I deflected it responded in the most gracious way I could, but there was no way I was going to accept her very inaccurate assumption of me.

So, sweet one, don't accept the words.  Don't carry them with you for a single second.  You are not any of the awful things that he said to you.  You are worthy of a man that will adore you for who you are, who will speak affirmation into you, encourage you, love you for who you are.

I am so angry....how can I undo what has been done?  And from such a distance?  If I could I would wrap my arms around you and tell you all the things that I see in you--to undo what has been done.

Intensity vs Endurance.

I had a meeting with my new medical oncologist today.  I miss Dr. Fitzgerald--she was amazing and made me feel at ease, my new med onc--is exuberant, but it he just doesn't seem as thorough, but really he is just faster at what he does.

I asked my list of questions, can I restart exercise.  He said yes, just don't go for intensity, go for endurance.

Huh?

If you are going for longer doesn't that mean it is more to endure?  To me, it just means the same thing.

I asked if magnesium and B12 would help with the numb hands and fingers, he said it wouldn't hurt but it doesn't help.

Huh?

I asked if I could resume taking my vitamins...he said yes.

Now, something I can understand!

I got word today that another friend of mine is cancer free.  I rejoiced with her, she is free of chemotherapy rounds...I was super happy for her.

So I asked my med onc....how do you know when this is over?  That I am cured?  Do I get a scan?  Blood work?  Xrays?

He then talked to me about statistics...my eyes rolled into the back of my head...Kent perked up.  I think he said I don't have cancer, we are just doing the radiation as an insurance policy....which is not what the radiation oncologist said.  She said I still had a 1.2 cm lump to get rid of, that's why I am going to radiation.

I must be having an off day...I am just so confused.

A year in pictures....

A year in photos...

September 2011

A new home, a new school, a new car.

October 2011

Thanksgiving--A Horie Family Photo

Max, Kent, Jordan, Kim, Jonathan, Melissa, Sarah and Luke

Colwood Pentecostal Church Youth Halloween Party

Kim the Pirate....

Kent the Ninja

Not-A-Lot-Of-Sleep-November 2011

A visit from Kyle, Jadon, Nathan, Josh, Devon and James

December 2011

Winter Formal

And a Winter Formal Date...

Christmas Eve Dinner

 Christmas Morning...we didnt' know how much I would need those buffs!  

Thank you Jonathan!

Stick em up!

Opening her gift from Jonathan

A Christmas morning walk--great wind storm at Dallas Road

January and February 2012

Couldn't find a picture....

March 2012

Cancer Schmancer!
I am going to New York!

...ah....Jamaica Queens, how I love you!

Jordan, Jamie and Melissa

at Piazza Pizza

Do I have something in my teeth?

I love the New York City Subway.

April 2012

A visit from Diana and San Juanita and their students from Monterrey Mexico.

Sanding his guitar to refinish it with a bit of his heritage.

Sarah's Graduation in Abbotsford

An precious engagement on April 28th

May 2012

Chemo starts last day of April....I sent Kent for "something with Ginger in it" 

to settle my stomach...He always has the "go big or go home" mentality.

It didn't take long, about 2 weeks into Chemo that may started to fall out.
This photo--is what real love looks like.

June 2012
Max's Grad

Melissa and Josh's Wedding

Kendra and Justin's Wedding

Two of my most favourite men
Jordan and Reid
Shaved their heads in support of me.

July 2012
We counted down the last days before a beautiful August Wedding.
The plans fell amazingly easily in place.

Bees Knees Floral Design.
I highly recommend Debbie's creations!

August 2012
What a goofball..The happy couple

One of my favourite photos of the day

And another favourite.
He is handsome,
he is talented,
he is such an amazing man.

Here's to another year in Victoria.  I am praying it's less event-filled.

When I look at these pictures, I see God's faithfulness.  He has it all under control.  If I haven't learned that in the past 14 months, I never will.

Lamentations 3:22-24

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.

The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, Therefore I hope in Him!”

Happy 1st Anniversary Victoria!

I am tired.  Tired like really tired.  This week I drew on my eyebrows on Wednesday and I spent Thursday and Friday trying to clean my face.  Each time I walked by the bathroom mirror I would take off my glasses and wash my face.  It looked like I didn't get the make up off.

Friday afternoon I actually resorted to eye make up remover.  I wiped my eyebrows again and realized that en mass my eyebrows decided to grow back in.  No more itty bitty little eyebrows, but BAM!  Eyebrows!

This morning for church I still drew in my eyebrows, just to even them out.  I have to say, looking closely it looked like my legs when I have neglected to shave them--for a number of days....spikey.  Gross.  I know.

Happy First Anniversary Victoria!

That's why we have this Scripture text: No one's ever seen or heard anything like this, Never so much as imagined anything quite like it—What God has arranged for those who love him.  But you've seen and heard it because God by his Spirit has brought it all out into the open before you. 1 Corinthians 2:9 The Message

I have been in this "mode" of reflection.  It started in June but since the wedding it has definitely stepped up.

Tomorrow marks the 1st anniversary of the move to Victoria.  A year ago tomorrow we pulled into our drive way with 2 cars, a truck and trailer.  We met Robbie and Chelsea Penney and the Colwood Pentecostal Church Youth group as they helped us unload our truck and get the horrendously heavy piano moved into place.

We were tired, emotionally and physically spent.  We went for dinner not much was said and the following day we said goodbye to Max, Melissa and Jonathan--as they immediately returned to Kelowna.

Can I say this out loud?  What a year.  What a stinking year!

I spent the first 3 days organizing our house and then I set to look for work.  In the first 6 weeks of being here I wrestled with God.  Why.  Why did we have to leave friends we loved, a job I loved, employers I loved, a ministry I loved, a church I loved, a community I loved--to sit here and take 10 hours to plan dinner.

I believe that if a lesson isn't learned the first time around, you will have to face it again and again until it's learned.

So, I embraced the quiet, the alone time, the utter loneliness--and learned to rely on God for the sweetest friendship.  This quiet time was good for me to get to know Him in a very different way.  And it was so good.

When I embraced it God gave me what I really longed for....a job.  Little did I know that I would be working for Satan herself -- but that this time would be very important in God's plan for me.  I made friends with the Doctor across the hall.  We actually would go out at lunch and walk her dog--and talk. When I needed a family Doctor due to Fred the lump we found in January, Ewa (Eva) said she would be my Doctor.  Doctors are not easy to find in Victoria.

When I finished the medical leave coverage at that office I went to work at Royal Jubilee Hospital in the IMIT department as a Switchboard Operator.  I love my job.

In January, we found the lump.  I had the most amazing ER Doctor, Dr. Carly Cooper, she made 2 follow up calls to me that week, which is highly unusual behavior for an ER Doc.  I had an ultrasound, MRI and CT all within a couple weeks.  Dr. Cooper referred me to the best surgical oncologists in Victoria, saw him within a couple weeks.

Then an amazing trip to New York City with Emmanuel Next Gen Ministries from Kelowna--it was life changing.

I got home to surgery, recovery and an invitation to the BC Cancer Agency, chemotherapy and now radiation treatment.

And a wedding planned and done.  A married daughter and a son-in-law.

Didn't I tell you -- it's been a year!

On behalf of Kent, I can tell you it's been hard for him too.  When he applied to this position they were looking for a person with a Masters in Engineering.  Kent didn't have it, but they gave him the job based on experience.  He had a steep learning curve to his job, he managed to impress them and I have been told often by his co-workers that he is a hero.  He manages to be calming in a storm, thinks outside of the box and is appreciated.  For Kent's 47th birthday we filled the house with new friends and we celebrated Kent.  It was really fun.

And Max.  He asked for this move.  We sat in our driveway and talked this all through....did he really know what he was asking for?  He did.  So we put our house up for sale and started the process....This year has been a tough year for him.  I know that he wouldn't want me indulging more -- but he has handled the year with grace and maturity.

When tried to figure out how to keep our family in Kelowna.  We just couldn't see a way to do it.  We knew God was calling us to Victoria--and that he was asking us to believe in Him and be faithful.  So we took that step of faith.  The house sold in 3 days.  We were approved for a mortgage, bought a house, got told the mortgage didn't really exist, Kent didn't have a job, then he was offered a job, we got the mortgage and moved.....all in 30 days from the time the house sold.

Several times this year we have heard sermons on Joshua 3:14-17.  We marveled at how we had walked in faith.  Looking back it is so easy to see where we stepped out and God provided.

Now as I sit here in reflection, I couldn't possibly list all the situations--good and bad that we have had this year.  Kent is dozing on the couch beside me, I can hear Max playing guitar, I know that Melissa is much loved and is being cared for by the man of her dreams.  Life is good.

I do know this:  I would do this year over again.  I really mean it.

I need a birthday present!

I feel like I am single-handedly paying for the city of Victoria's expenses.  It seems I can't park downtown without getting a parking ticket.  Yesterday I was 3 minutes late getting to my car and it has left me wondering....do they hide in the bushes???

Yet another ticket, from yesterday, just got paid.  I am fearing parking near Royal Jubilee Hospital today...they are the most cutthroat.  I actually have had 2 parking tickets on my car there!

The other fear I am wrestling with today is my appointment with the radiation oncologist.  The last time I was with an oncologist I didn't get the news I was hoping for.  In fact, this past month has been really tough.

Twice I have heard that other women with cancer much harder to beat than mine have been healed.  I rejoiced with them..then days later I think...what about me?  God, mine was easy, I had lymphoma in the lymph nodes, she had lymphoma in her kidneys, or another had colon cancer--when is it my turn!

My whine fades to resolve that my fight is still on and I am not going to slip into despair.  I will remember to rejoice for the fortune of others--God is good and faithful.  I will learn what I need to in this trial--for God's glory.

I feel like I am sounding like a Psalm written by David....

After all the fear and resolve to push on, the Doctor I was supposed to see today wasn't my Radiation Oncologist...but rather a GP oncologist.  When I got into my appointment they stated that he was so backed up that they had to cancel my appointment and reschedule for next Friday.

Grrrr.

Ok, whatev.  I can roll with this.  I was just hoping to be on my way to Kelowna next weekend to drop off M and Js stuff.  That may or may not happen now.

I guess if we can ship it--that would be good.  Or we may have to get a uhaul and take the stuff to Kelowna...so much to decide.

While doing my errands today after my appointment I had a moment.  It actually happens to me almost on a daily basis--whenever I drive my stupid Suzuki.  I stall the car constantly.  Today was no different.

Now, before you throw me under the bus and call me a woman driver you have to know that I am a good driver, I have been driving a standard since I was 17 and I have often thought about being a professional driver.

Today, I not only stalled--on a hill--but rolled into the truck behind me while trying to restart the car.  (He rear-ended me...that's what I tell my ego....)  We bought this car a year ago, it's already had a new clutch put into it and now its leaking oil on my driveway.  I am super unimpressed with this car.

I want my Honda back.  I should've never agreed to sell it last year....but it sure seemed to be the right thing to do at the time.  The Honda was a Christmas present from Kent.  Maybe I should ask for a new birthday present.  That's it.  I need a birthday present!

Of Friends and Family

The last of my family has left today.  I want to formally (virtually) thank my family for staggering their departures.  It was easier for my fragile heart to take.

Family.  Such a special thing.

I always was amazed over the years how friends have become like family.  With the space between our bits of family, on a daily, or weekly basis friends never replaced family, but sure filled the gaps between times when we could actually see family.

I have a heart full of memories from this weekend that I will hold in my heart forever.  One of them was visiting with friends at our house on Sunday--then it starts, they are needing to leave but they didn't want to leave without prayer.  I love my friends for that.  They are more than just precious friends to us, they are family.

By the time we got to be with our family on Sunday--this happened.  We walked in, they mostly walked out.  The teens went to see Batman, the little ones went to the pool at the hotel, Sister and husband left for Nanaimo, Parents went to a friends house.

All of a sudden, probably 15 minutes after we arrived the room was empty with the exception of my sister Lanette and her husband Chris.  I joked...I can really clear a room!

What I wanted was for my family to pray for me.  I am feeling bone weary tired.

The next morning the family that was left here went to De Dutch Pannekoek House.  We wandered into the parking lot gathered in a circle and prayed for our families.  We hugged and went our separate ways.

Our day kept getting better.

We met Henry and Marie Spenst for a quick cup of coffee, we probably haven't seen them since their wedding in Prince George 25 years ago. (or so)

We got home and arranged to meet with Dave and Sandy Friesen and pick up Pippin.  We had dinner with them and left encouraged, we laughed, we cried, we prayed.  A true sign of friendship!

Today, I had a good goodbye with my brother and his family.  They sat me in a chair and they prayed for me, for Kent, for Jonathan, Melissa and Max.  I was bouyed--encouraged!

I heard one of my little nephews say, I am gonna miss you Auntie Kim.  I was left heart broken.

I wish I was closer--I wish I could see them more.  All I can do is pray that my brother and sister in law have friends to fill the gaps that I leave in my niece and nephews day-to-day lives so that they have an "Auntie" to rely on.

I am so thankful for the time I have had with them this weekend.  A hug, a smile across the room...it is all stored up in my heart.

I went for radiation therapy today and I have an appointment with the Radiation Oncologist tomorrow.  I have no idea what for...they don't tell me much.

I then got home and got a message from G of DG Auto Care.  (Melissa and Jonathan's car that we just gifted to them died between the wedding and reception.  They couldn't take it on the honeymoon...so we had to put alternate plans into place.)  DG Auto Care is going to come and diagnose the car (if they can) at my house today, no charge.  I was just overwhelmed.

How is it that they care so much, without knowing me?  I am amazed.  I am gobsmacked. A friend of a friend of possibly a friend....coming to care for me.  Thank you for this gift DG Auto Care..you are so appreciated!

I may just have to take back all those blonde jokes...

While Melissa was getting her first hair trial done a woman and I struck up a conversation about Cancer and the loss of hair.  She told me her Grandpa had silver hair that all fell out when he was going through chemo--when it came back it was black and curly just like when he was a kid.

I had hopes for my hair to come in faster than normal....I mean, I have always had very fast growing hair--I haven't had chemo since July 4th, my eyebrows and eyelashes started coming back July 17th.

It was hard to see up until a day or so ago--my eyelashes were just so little -- but they are definitely blonde....Blonde....BLONDE!!??

And now, all of a sudden my legs are covered.  Completely covered with itty bitty blonde hairs.  Irritating little blonde hairs, silky mind you, but irritating.

I have always been a hairy girl...it's part of my heritage.  My genes dictate, hair lots of it and its always that I can remember been very coarse and thick.

When I was little--up until about 5 years of age, I had this golden brown hair (very similar to Melissa's colour, but blonder) about school age, it started to turn black, by the time I was 8 it was completely black like my Dad's.

When my hair started to go grey when I was 27 I started dying my hair back to the brown/black it had always been.

I made a deal with myself mostly--and Melissa that I would embrace whatever comes in, curly, straight, brown, black, white...but blonde??  Last night, it was hard to see, but I have a bit of a blonde halo, or aura around my head...my hair is coming back very, very slowly.

So, this deal with my hair was confirmed the other day at the cancer clinic.  They stated that the new hair that I will be growing should not be "dyed, bleached, or permed for the first year after it begins to grow back."  It is just too fragile.

Thank goodness I decided to embrace whatever it comes back as....but blonde?  Jeez.  That's going to be a tough one.

On the cancer front I am no longer using it as an means for a joke.  Like this:  I can't do dishes, I have cancer.  I need to find another thing to be funny about.  So, I can't do dishes I am bald...seems like it will only work for a couple more weeks.

So, Cancer survivor jokes it is!  How do you know you are a cancer survivor?  You are back on the family rotation to take out the garbage.  :)

I have never been on the family rotation...for garbage anyway.

I started radiation therapy August 1st in hopes that the sooner I started, the sooner I would be finished.  It seems that my final radiation appointment could be August 29th.  The best part of these dates is my Medical EI claim is done August 18th and work asked me to come back August 20th (or so).  Once again, God is faithful.  Work is willing to work around my radiation schedule and the cancer clinic is willing to work around my work schedule.

The only side effect of radiation I was warned about was fatique--so far, I haven't even noticed it.  Kent and I are still exhausted by the wedding planning and execution of said plans....  So it's hard to decipher if I am post-wedding tired or radiation tired....

I will keep you posted!

Since I started this blog earlier today, before our weekly breakfast date--I have taught those itty bitty leg hairs a lesson they won't soon forget.  I introduced them to my powerful friend....the razor.  :)

One down, one to go.

Melissa is now a Palmer.  The wedding this weekend was amazing,  beautiful, relaxed, joyful...just so wonderful.

On Saturday morning we were ahead of schedule, so it aided in the relaxed atmosphere...

She has always been a relaxed girl, except for when it came to exams, but she didn't get anxious, she seemed to be absorbing it all as it happened and enjoying the whole process.

This photo by Mike Gustafsson just summed it all up for me.  It was truly a joyous occasion!

Yesterday, we met the last of the family that was here for breakfast before saying good bye to them.  Then we met a couple we haven't seen in about 25 years for coffee--it was short but so sweet, so precious.

When we were on our way home, Kent and I decided we should maybe send Max to Kelowna with the 2 remaining guys that were due to leave anytime....Max went.  And I miss him tons.

We had dinner with friends last night at their house, we did a communal thing--I left there with my dog and fortified with encouragement.

My house is now empty, quiet, messy and disorganized......and I am avoiding looking at it too closely.  I may have to quote Mary Townsend, "I will quickly clean my house, first I have to take off my glasses!" It's amazing how fast I can clean my house without my glasses on...I can also avoid it for days.

No more bruises...I am serious!

I told Melissa, no more bruises.  She is literally covered in bruises.

Yesterday she and Elise decided to go to Walmart ... on bikes.

A lot of people bike here.  There are bike lanes, bike trails, when you commute you just know you are going to share the road, there are initiatives at work to bike, lots of bike racks and bike lockers....

Then I get this text from Kent:  "Bike crash.  Some contusions and abraisions....and soon, bruises.  It's all good.  The first aid kit hasn't had a good workout in a while."


My response:  "Grrrrr"

I got home and Melissa was not well....she had a list of symptoms that were very concussion like.  Then the vomitting started.  She was really disappointed with the timing of it all.  This morning, she is still weak, headache-y, she has been able to keep food down.

All good signs.

Today was my first radiation appointment.  I went alone, Kent has been really busy at work, Melissa wasn't well and Max was asleep.  I was ok going alone at first, but then the nerves kicked in.  I am generally not good at "new" circumstances.....The staff was amazing, they went over all the side effects and gave me my card for my next two appointments.  While I was there I re-arranged it to first thing in the mornings.  I can imagine my next couple days will be really busy.

While I was waiting for the machine to start buzzing and moving.....I thought, "this had better work."  I mean, it really better work, the chemotherapy didn't work to wipe out the cancer, so this had better work.

I am not complaining but I thought this was an easy fix.  Lymphoma in the lymph nodes, easy right?  I know a girl who had lymphoma in her kidneys.  She is now cancer free, months ahead of the prescribed treatment.  Wouldn't that be harder to fix?

I felt myself getting emotional and realized I can't let myself think negatively.  I can't start that slow slide.

I realized I was there yesterday--when a woman looked at me and gave me a beautiful compliment.  I thought I need to embrace all of this, the good, the bad, the down right ugly....the concussion, the wedding plans.  All of it.  Not because I am being a martyr, but because I know who holds my tomorrow.

He's got it all under control.  He's saying peace, be still.....