I told Melissa, no more bruises. She is literally covered in bruises.
Yesterday she and Elise decided to go to Walmart ... on bikes.
A lot of people bike here. There are bike lanes, bike trails, when you commute you just know you are going to share the road, there are initiatives at work to bike, lots of bike racks and bike lockers....
Then I get this text from Kent: "Bike crash. Some contusions and abraisions....and soon, bruises. It's all good. The first aid kit hasn't had a good workout in a while."
My response: "Grrrrr"
I got home and Melissa was not well....she had a list of symptoms that were very concussion like. Then the vomitting started. She was really disappointed with the timing of it all. This morning, she is still weak, headache-y, she has been able to keep food down.
All good signs.
Today was my first radiation appointment. I went alone, Kent has been really busy at work, Melissa wasn't well and Max was asleep. I was ok going alone at first, but then the nerves kicked in. I am generally not good at "new" circumstances.....The staff was amazing, they went over all the side effects and gave me my card for my next two appointments. While I was there I re-arranged it to first thing in the mornings. I can imagine my next couple days will be really busy.
While I was waiting for the machine to start buzzing and moving.....I thought, "this had better work." I mean, it really better work, the chemotherapy didn't work to wipe out the cancer, so this had better work.
I am not complaining but I thought this was an easy fix. Lymphoma in the lymph nodes, easy right? I know a girl who had lymphoma in her kidneys. She is now cancer free, months ahead of the prescribed treatment. Wouldn't that be harder to fix?
I felt myself getting emotional and realized I can't let myself think negatively. I can't start that slow slide.
I realized I was there yesterday--when a woman looked at me and gave me a beautiful compliment. I thought I need to embrace all of this, the good, the bad, the down right ugly....the concussion, the wedding plans. All of it. Not because I am being a martyr, but because I know who holds my tomorrow.
He's got it all under control. He's saying peace, be still.....
In our staff meeting this morning, Kim, the devotional was on faith. That faith is not merely believing in God, but trusting in God. That it is a heart matter, not a head matter. And that we are to do nothing but have faith that God is working out his plan - for ourselves, for those we care for, for Melissa's bruises and bumped head, for the wedding and all it's details. For my sons and their struggles. All of it. No matter how it looks some times, all we have to do is keep giving it up. I know you know that. And that you practice that to a degree I haven't in a long time. I just wanted to share it ... knowing sometimes a little agreement goes a long way.
ReplyDeleteThank you Shannon. I needed someone to stand in agreement with me. It's the real purpose in this blog to have someone say, we stand with you, we stand behind you. I wanted to be as transparent as possible in the good and the bad.
ReplyDeleteThere are days when I feel like shaking my fist at God--asking him how much more He thinks a girl can take....but I already know the answer. He wouldn't have given me this past year if He didn't already know that I could bear it up and lean on Him.
You are a precious gift to me Shannon. I mourn for the wasted years of friendship without you.