It's not like you are Shaun Cassidy.....

Ya, it's not like you are Shawn Cassidy...I think my heart would've skipped a beat if you were.  I have to say this was my first reaction....to THE reaction....(PS I am kidding and for those of you who don't know who Shaun Cassidy is--he was the Justin Bieber of my generation....)

I have struggled in the past number of weeks with my appearance.  I have known all along that my skin looks good for what I am going through, I have embraced the idea early on that I would be losing my hair, I understood that the medications could be bloating....I knew that these were all part of the process of cancer treatment.

People have been VERY gracious to me for the most part.  Until...Tuesday. 

Tuesday is 2-for-Tuesday at McGavin's here in town, so I ventured over there to stock up for a month or so...I went in and purchased a combination of rye bread, bagels, white bread, and english muffins.  (Just because I wanna brag I got 20 items for $10)

I am in jeans, shirt and a sweater combo...I have maintained throughout this journey that I only wear "sweats" when I am at home and feeling terrible.  Every other day, I made myself dress properly.  I was wearing (on my head) a black doorag and a really cute scarf that Elise brought home from Cambodia for Melissa...I had no make up on....to me that is completely optional....

I pick up my first basket of bready goodness, turn, and WHAMO there he is.  An ex-boyfriend. 

He looked me up...then down...then let this "extra breath" kind of like he was disgusted with me and my appearance.

I was startled by this run in. 

I went out to my car and realized he had parked almost beside me.

He then walked out of McGavins and went the exact opposite way of where I was heading...

I was a little shocked that he:

1.  Didn't say hello.

2.  He was rude.

3.  He was rude.

I don't like my itty bitty new hair.  I don't like my skin.  I don't like the bloating, (I haven't gained any weight).  It's amazing that this little interaction could make me feel so terrible....for a nanosecond.

You see, I learned a long time ago not to carry around the bricks that people throw at me....so for a second I was all like how dare you....then I thought, it's not like you are Shaun Cassidy....I mean, you look just as old as I do, you hadn't shaved, you look a little disheveled.....

There are lessons in all this: it doesn't matter what people think of me.  And I don't need to care what you think.  I really don't. 

You see, I have a Father who tells me that I am beautiful and that I am valuable....despite my ideas of my appearance.  I have a loving, wonderful husband who despite what I have looked like over the past year--adores me, he thinks I am beautiful, even straight out of bed in the morning....(when I had hair) hair all over the place.

I really want women to understand this: the worlds ideal of beauty is something that really doesn't matter and is nearly impossible to attain with out a great photoshop session...

So, I have learned to be comfortable in my own skin, with my lack of hair because I know whose I am.  I have been chosen and set apart for great things.