Look what you've done for me

I love Tree 63.  Look what you've done has been my favourite since I first got the CD.  Here is a link--you can listen along while you read.

Tree 63 - Look what You've done - video/lyrics

This week has been a little anti-climactic on the cancer front.  I guess in my head I was expecting this ta-da MOMENT, with an emancipation from the BC Cancer Agency--a you are cancer free declaration that will not come.  They believe in a statistical progression towards freedom.  It's not going to come for the next 5 years.

I don't care.  I am having that moment along with Tree 63.  Look what He's done for me.  It's amazing.  All of it.

Sunday, October 14th, I got a friend request on facebook.  I am going to be completely honest here.  I look at friend requests on facebook and sometimes I just sigh and think there is no way I am adding this person to my list of friends.

Now, I am not being mean here, but there is a little bit of a "stigma" if you don't have a ton of friends, so some people add every request they get, you know, at-one-time-we-ran-into-each-other-in-a-starbucks-line-up-and-so-you-are-now-my-friend-request.  I am not that person.  Having said that, I do believe that it is a good tool for ministry with youth and young adults, so I do add each teen or young adult that requests it.

So, I get this friend request.  My heart just sinks.  I don't want to add this person in fact, I don't know that I want to be friends at all.

It's my half-brother, Michael.

When I was a kid, Michael was my protector.  He and I were only 3 years apart, and in a lot of ways my friend.  I have always loved male friends over female friends, I guess he was one of the first to be my male friend.

When I was about 8, Michael was removed from our home by social services.  At least this is how I remember things.  I don't know exactly why he was removed but I do remember that he was violent in a lot of ways.  He had a massive callous on the back of his hand.  When he wanted to hurt someone--or he got stressed he would bite the back of his hand.  When you look at what us kids had to deal with growing up--this isn't a really big shock.

When I was about 12 or 13, Michael resurfaced.  He had run away so many times from Foster Care that they just gave up on trying to house him.  He was homeless and living in some abandoned houses along the King George Highway in Surrey.  I am not sure if he chose to live there to live close to us or not.  I am not sure why he wasn't just invited to live with us.

He never laid a hand on Danielle (my Sister) or I to hurt us.

In that time, there was some VERY bizarre behaviour.

So, I am looking at this friend request and sent a message directly to him stating--I only add people I am friends with, are you my brother?

Since then, we have talked (via facebook messaging) to catch up a little.  It's the saddest story.  He is homeless, living in the lower mainland, he still uses drugs.

And I return to the song.  It hasn't been an easy road this life of mine.  I don't look at it like it's a bad thing.  Each thing I have encountered have rounded off my rough edges, has given me a depth of relationship with my God, Kent and my kids and made me a little more like Jesus.

This past 16 months, the move to Victoria, the job with Dr. Satan, the cancer diagnosis and treatment has made me realize that if I don't rely on God--I could not have done this at all...on my own strength, I would've given up long ago.

I know this isn't the right word, but I am proud of who I am becoming.  Very little of the girl that lived in Surrey even exists anymore.  I come alive when I see the changes in me.

“I know that I've been given more than beyond measure. I come alive when I see beyond my fears. I know that I've been given more than earthly treasure. I come alive when I've broken down and given you control.”   ― Jeremy Camp