Grief

Grief is an odd thing.

It takes me some time to process.  Probably longer than most people.

Today, I am having to let go of a dream--and I am having some really big struggles with the whole idea of letting go.

I am grieving normal life.  I really didn't think that 3 years into our life here Kent would be unemployed.  I think the last couple of days this has been a reality check that has been really hard to come to grips with.   Kent is in the throws of deciding if he should go back to school.  I want to throw my every effort after his desire--I just didn't think we'd be doing something like this at this stage of life.

I am grieving a dream.  Melissa and Jonathan were thinking about going on a trip when they graduate next year, and sort of tossed it out there.  They had asked if we would maybe want to join them.  A chance to be with them?  I'm all on board.

With Kent thinking of school and being unemployed, this is looking like its less and less likely going to happen.

I have quit all my meds.  *All* my meds (with the exception of the meds I take for my migraine medications--I only take when I need it).  So having said that....I am exhausted.  I haven't taken a sleeping pill since Saturday--and my poor body is suffering.  I haven't slept really since then....but then I think, I probably haven't really slept for a VERY long time.  I am hoping to retrain myself...

A couple of months ago, I got reconnected with some family.  My biological Mother's Sister.  We had a long conversation on Facebook.  It was so great to hear from her.

From there, I had conversations with my Grandma and was really enjoying this connection.  I just heard that my Aunt is sick.  Really sick.  I'm feeling rather helpless.

We were in Kelowna last weekend and although there are times when I wouldn't want to move back, my heart is broken that we don't still live there.  

My heart is hurting, frustrated.  I know that this will pass--probably with a good night sleep.