Josh Rogan for dinner.

Where do I even start with today.  I am now sitting with tea and a cinnamon bun--emotionally eating.

I have been a bit of an wreck all day.

I realized the other day that it has been a year since we sold our house in Kelowna.  We put out a `fleece` that if God wanted us to move quickly our house would sell quickly, if we were meant to stay longer in Kelowna, the house would take longer to sell.

It sold 3 days after we listed, subjects were removed in 7.

Still, we had fear of moving on.  We looked very briefly at renting a home and staying on one more year.  As we looked at listings, it was glaringly obvious we were to move.

We came to Victoria on the July long weekend to look for a house.  First day we were looking we found the house we are currently in.  It`s a beautiful home and I am so grateful for it.  I am thankful for the 1925 feel it has, the beautiful garden and stream in the back, for all my fish in my fish pond.  I am thankful it`s in such a central location, near to work, a little village, great parks.  I have absolutely no regrets about it.

Since coming home from our last trip to Kelowna--my heart has just not settled.  There are so many we wanted to have a chance to talk to, spend time with, but we were just not able too.  I found that very upsetting.  I cried off and on from West Kelowna to Tsawwassen.

Today is the MBSS (Mount Boucherie Senior Secondary) Grad in Kelowna.  This is only the 2nd commencement ceremony I have missed in 14 years.  My heart is aching to be there.  I miss my kids terribly today.

I am watching post after post of Grad comments on Facebook and am feeling my loss.

When I think of what this past year has brought our way, I can`t help but feel overwhelmed.  I have specifically concentrated over this year on the `positives` in life--on this drizzly grey day, my perspective is lost.

So, I have done what I do best.  I spent my day in the kitchen.

I told Kent we were having Josh Rogan for dinner  I meant this:

Not this:



I meant Rogan Josh.  With my own blend of chick peas, cauliflower and potato.

Then I made Butter Chicken.

Then I made spice cupcakes with rum butter cream icing.

And it`s 3.30 in the afternoon.  I still have so much time in this day to fill.

Today, I am thankful that I am feeling better and that I CAN spend my day in my kitchen.  I am thankful that I had a moment with Kent at lunch.  I am thankful that I am here, in this moment--relishing the time as a youth leader.  It is something no one can take from me.

I know that in my life I have at times failed as a wife, I have failed many times as a mother, but I can say with all honesty I never failed at loving Kent, loving my kids and my youth kids.  And that will never stop.