All of Hell is laughing at me.

I am not being dramatic.  It feels like all of Hell is laughing at me.  Laugh it up fellas, laugh it up.

What could've been a really great "date night" in Vancouver with Kent wound up being a disaster.

We headed out to the ferry after his course last night and his head was obviously full of what he had spent the day learning.  He either doesn't hear me, or wasn't listening, sometimes I think my voice is just "white noise" to him.

Anyway, I told him to turn left he went straight through the intersection and we ended up on Westminster Highway headed EAST instead of on Highway 99 going South.

I had had enough.  The past number of months has just been like that...so I thought, you get us home.  I am no longer helping....We were in a traffic jam and I had to pee.  Badly.

Chemotherapy=incontinence....just thought I would share that lovely tidbit.  I was clenching as best as I could...

We got onto the Alex Fraser Bridge, when Kent rear ended the woman driving in front of us.  I. Lost. It.

No longer able to contain my fracking life I lost it.  I started sobbing.  My shin was hurting.  I reached down and felt my shin, there is a big ole goose egg....reminiscent of my days playing baseball....

Kent dealt with the woman we hit, and then as we were getting off the Alex Fraser Bridge, Kent tried to get us further away from the ferry by heading into North Delta...up Nordel Way.

We found a place to stop--I went into a pizza place, tears streaming down my face and used their bathroom.  I don't know if they know what hit them.  I got out of the pizza place and Kent handed me the keys.

I took us down Nordel Way to River Road, to Highway 17 and we were at the ferry in less than 30 minutes.  It had been a full 2 hours since we had left Burnaby.

We had argued, we had cried, we reconciled, and then on the ferry we just cried.  Our circumstances right now are beating us down.  I don't know if I have spent a single day in the past 18 months where I haven't cried or called out to God for release.

I don't know how much more I can take -- I have called the BC Cancer Agency counseling department because I am not handling this all very well...truth is, I am handling life very poorly right now.

And I think that all of Hell is laughing at me.  Laugh it up, I will bear this up, rely on God, buoy myself with scripture, worship songs and love of my Saviour....

In the end we will see who is laughing.