A Spritual Battle

I am fully aware of the spiritual battle that rages around me.  I do blame a lot of things on Satan and know that God has allowed things in my life, for my benefit, character development and maturity.

This week seemed to be a little of a free-for-all.  At one point this week, I had a serious talk with both of them, God and Satan.

I told Satan I had had enough.  I told God, I knew He knew what I could handle but I was really beginning to believe that I was nearing the end of my rope.

I come from addiction.  I know that my parents were drinkers, they did drugs, they were swingers…they were pretty much as hedonistic as middle class can get….without looking dirty to an outside-looking-in kind of view.

This week I found myself taking the narcotics for my post surgical pain longer than need be by about 4 days.  Then I realized I had “doubled” my sleeping pill for 2 nights for absolutely no apparent reason.

I woke on Tuesday morning still feeling high.  I knew immediately, if I didn’t take action I would be in trouble.  So, I stopped cold turkey taking anything.  I didn’t sleep Tuesday or Wednesday nights.  Thursday morning I was at the lowest point I have been at in years.

I showered took Max to school and went to my local pharmacy to pick up some Melatonin (and Vitamin D since it seems it might be a while before I can get to Hawaii).  I needed help and I was hoping this would be the answer.  Literally, I had done *everything* I could to get to sleep—none of it working…including prayer…generally I can fall asleep mid-sentence….I told you this was going to be truthful….

While in the parking lot I had a fender-bender..well, my car had a fender-bender the woman’s little car that hit me…not so lucky.

I jumped out of the car to see if she was ok, we exchanged information and I went home with a bruised ego, but was tiring of the battle.

I was buoyed by a visit from a long time friend, Sandy, who has known me for more than 25 years.  We laughed, prayed, she challenged me, she encouraged me—we were together for about 3 hours—I went for a walk to process the words that Sandy had challenged me with—and the conclusion I had come to this week was exactly what she had come to as well.

I slept fitfully Thursday night, woke, took my Vitamin D and set to getting my house arranged for a week of work.

While making dinner….I was steaming some vegetables on the back burner of my gas stove when POOF! The front burner lit.  I have a nice gas stove, but it doesn’t start easily, the knob at the front has to be pushed in, set to “light” it clicks for a good long time before starting…and I was wearing a scarf—that was beautifully draped over the burner.

I backed up quickly and patted down what I envisioned to be flames leaping off my scarf.  There were none, but it rattled me like the car accident—and I had it out right then and there with Satan.

If I was wondering if I was in the midst of a spiritual battle, that completely confirmed it.  I am under attack—but I know who owns the victory and I am leaning heavily on this knowledge.  I know that when I awake at night, my pulse raging, stress pain in the side of my chest, sleep just a fleeting fancy, that I need the coverage of the blood of Jesus to make it through every day.

I could let myself become overwhelmed with fear, and the situations I am facing, but my Hope is in the Lord.

Today I was reminded of a scripture from a good friend Kari-Lynn, Revelation 12:11, we will overcome with the BLOOD OF THE LAMB and the WORD OF OUR TESTIMONY.

I honestly can’t wait to see what kind of testimony is being written right now—can you imagine?  My testimony with the blood of the lamb DEFEATS the enemy.  That puts my word on par with the blood of the lamb, together we are a formidable force and I will not be silenced.