The Pet Scan went well in Vancouver. The only stressful part for me was the fact that Kent was still lounging in bed 20 minutes prior to my appointment.
I ended up leaving him at the hotel so I would be on time, just so I could wait in the waiting room at the BC Cancer Agency for over 40 minutes.
Not impressed....
As I had to fast for the appointment--Kent took me to one of my favourite restaurants in Vancouver after the Pet Scan. It's called East is East, there is one on Main Street and one on Broadway.
eastiseast.ca
My job since starting chemo is to eat small meals and drink a ton of fluids, so by the time we got home, I was feeling over done. I had gotten too hungry during the day and didn't drink enough. I found that too much of anything is not good for me, too tired, too hungry, too full, etc...
The other I must be crazy...I gave my phone number to someone who has been calling up to 3 times a day every day this week except one or two days. I have made a very conscious effort to not include in my life high maintenance/needy friends of any sort since moving here. On nearly a daily if not weekly basis I am still counseling and mentoring kids from Kelowna. I am busy enough as it is--I don't have a ton of time or emotion energy to put out there for others. My family comes first, my kids (teens) come second. Once I have taken care of that--poorly right now I might add--I am generally done.
The third part of crazy??? I have invited 7-10 couples over for Kent's birthday for Monday.
Yup. Plain ole crazy.
I really wanted to do something "normal" in all this craziness and it seemed that it would be a good idea -- now I am not so sure. By Monday, I will change my mind and think it's the best idea ever. I mean, seriously...me, party, yes!
I have 4 other adults in the house, so I am thinking I have this covered--except one of them has to work, one is leaving for Kelowna Monday and one has to drive to the airport. Sigh. At least I have Kent and he is willing to do whatever it takes. He is awesome.
I was reminded today of a thing that happened 25 years ago. The loonie was new. I was dating Kent and he couldn't afford his truck but needed it. The reason he couldn't afford it??? Back then if you had a driving infraction it went as "points" against your license. So, Kent had 24 points and couldn't afford his insurance. So, my boyfriend of 3 months sold me his truck for a loonie. Yes, I said a LOONIE.
I put the truck insurance in my name, that had NO points against it and in 2 months he was due to head back to Vancouver for more school. (and take the truck with him...) As it turned out he couldn't leave in September, we just couldn't handle being parted. January seemed like a better time for him to go.
Looking back on it now, it seems like an incredible thing. I would NOT advise my kids to do this...sell OR buy the truck.
It seems we have always been a big ole whack of crazy and I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else.
Saturday, 30 June 2012
Wednesday, 27 June 2012
What do you want me to do? Where do you want me to go?
Sitting in the sun with Pippin and Tucker--about to read, drinking some cold water. Hillsong in the background. A day doesn't get much better than this!
Today is the first day that everyone is either working or at least out of the house. It's been an exhausting 4 days--trying to keep up with my family!
Saturday Kent and I went to a a BBQ hosted by his co-worker. We didn't know what to expect, except that his co-workers would be there.
We got there and were immediately introduced around. There were lots of lovely people there that we had never met before. People that knew the host and hostess for varied reasons.
I ended up sitting outside with a lady, (and I completely do not remember her name, although I played EVERY game I could in my head to remember it. Including the Seinfeld....it rhymes with...)
She had emigrated to Canada from England 4 years before. This intrigued me, as her kids were middle school aged. Why and what would make you leave your homeland for Canada? Especially ENGLAND???
She talked mostly of a better quality of life. Her husband could only find work 4 hours from their home. If she got to see him on the weekends, he was still working, so they would squeeze time in -- in the evenings. Not a way to live and raise children. They got to the point of realizing that they would have to sell their house to just "live" in the economic climate and keep a business afloat.
I told her I had just a year ago emigrated from Kelowna to Victoria. She laughed. She said it was a place she always wanted to visit. I encouraged it and said, "You could stay with my friend Sheila Staring!" (Just kidding, I didn't....)
At some point, the rain started and the wind started, but I didn't want to leave this conversation, she was really interesting. At some point we began talking about my trips to New York, Guatemala, Mexico etc...
She was amazed that I would be able to leave the places I had been, she kept repeating it over and over again.
Then, I dropped a bomb.
I said, "It was fairly easy to leave the kids in the orphanage, I had 20 teenagers with me to make sure they got home safe."
WHAT? She exclaimed.
So, I ended up describing the HistoryMaker/Elevate classes I taught, the prep the kids had to do, the work they were expected to do....
It ended up being so cold I was forced to leave and go in the house.
Fatigue hits me quite abruptly and I went and found Kent about 7 and asked if we could go. We said our goodbyes to Andy and Tracey and thanked them for hosting, when I turned to leave, there she was.
She said, "It was so good to meet you and I just wanted to tell you how BRAVE I think you are."
Interesting statement. I have been thinking about this lots. Brave.
The first trip I went to New York, I didn't know what I was expecting. I was really nervous being in charge of 17 Emmanuel teens, 3 from Merritt, and not to mention -- a youth pastor. (they need constant supervision....) :)
Those trips became a part of the fibre of my being. Like living out my faith, like I walk after God, March Break was reserved for Emmanuel Youth Missions trips.
I think in the past couple of days I have really realized what a treasure those trips were. What an amazing opportunity....brave or stupid, I will never know--but amazingly blessed. There is just something so precious about living with the teens, sharing an experience like a 3rd world country, seeing amazing poverty but depth of relationship with people--it changes who you are and gives a clarity of what is important.
So, this week, I have been thinking over and over and over again. What are Kent and I going to do next spring?
We have a desire to serve. I should be healthy. We want a holiday--but we also want to DO something.
So, this week--I have been praying for specific direction for the following year..we don't have kids at home so we aren't stuck to spring break!
So God, what do you want us to do and where do you want us to do it? We are willing.
ON THE CANCER FRONT:
I have a PET Scan booked in Vancouver tomorrow.
If they find cancer on this scan I will do another round of chemo on July 4th and then they will be switching me over to the radiation oncology service. I have an appointment booked in July with Dr. Wai.
If NO cancer is found they will do another round of chemo on July 4th and then release me from the medical oncology service. I will be under a recall system for every 3-4 months for the next 5 years.
I don't know when the results will be in, but I am hoping for the non-radiation scenario. I am tired of feeling like I have Montezuma revenge, I am tired of tired and I am eager to get back to normal life.
Today is the first day that everyone is either working or at least out of the house. It's been an exhausting 4 days--trying to keep up with my family!
Saturday Kent and I went to a a BBQ hosted by his co-worker. We didn't know what to expect, except that his co-workers would be there.
We got there and were immediately introduced around. There were lots of lovely people there that we had never met before. People that knew the host and hostess for varied reasons.
I ended up sitting outside with a lady, (and I completely do not remember her name, although I played EVERY game I could in my head to remember it. Including the Seinfeld....it rhymes with...)
She had emigrated to Canada from England 4 years before. This intrigued me, as her kids were middle school aged. Why and what would make you leave your homeland for Canada? Especially ENGLAND???
She talked mostly of a better quality of life. Her husband could only find work 4 hours from their home. If she got to see him on the weekends, he was still working, so they would squeeze time in -- in the evenings. Not a way to live and raise children. They got to the point of realizing that they would have to sell their house to just "live" in the economic climate and keep a business afloat.
I told her I had just a year ago emigrated from Kelowna to Victoria. She laughed. She said it was a place she always wanted to visit. I encouraged it and said, "You could stay with my friend Sheila Staring!" (Just kidding, I didn't....)
At some point, the rain started and the wind started, but I didn't want to leave this conversation, she was really interesting. At some point we began talking about my trips to New York, Guatemala, Mexico etc...
She was amazed that I would be able to leave the places I had been, she kept repeating it over and over again.
Then, I dropped a bomb.
I said, "It was fairly easy to leave the kids in the orphanage, I had 20 teenagers with me to make sure they got home safe."
WHAT? She exclaimed.
So, I ended up describing the HistoryMaker/Elevate classes I taught, the prep the kids had to do, the work they were expected to do....
It ended up being so cold I was forced to leave and go in the house.
Fatigue hits me quite abruptly and I went and found Kent about 7 and asked if we could go. We said our goodbyes to Andy and Tracey and thanked them for hosting, when I turned to leave, there she was.
She said, "It was so good to meet you and I just wanted to tell you how BRAVE I think you are."
Interesting statement. I have been thinking about this lots. Brave.
The first trip I went to New York, I didn't know what I was expecting. I was really nervous being in charge of 17 Emmanuel teens, 3 from Merritt, and not to mention -- a youth pastor. (they need constant supervision....) :)
Those trips became a part of the fibre of my being. Like living out my faith, like I walk after God, March Break was reserved for Emmanuel Youth Missions trips.
I think in the past couple of days I have really realized what a treasure those trips were. What an amazing opportunity....brave or stupid, I will never know--but amazingly blessed. There is just something so precious about living with the teens, sharing an experience like a 3rd world country, seeing amazing poverty but depth of relationship with people--it changes who you are and gives a clarity of what is important.
So, this week, I have been thinking over and over and over again. What are Kent and I going to do next spring?
We have a desire to serve. I should be healthy. We want a holiday--but we also want to DO something.
So, this week--I have been praying for specific direction for the following year..we don't have kids at home so we aren't stuck to spring break!
So God, what do you want us to do and where do you want us to do it? We are willing.
ON THE CANCER FRONT:
I have a PET Scan booked in Vancouver tomorrow.
If they find cancer on this scan I will do another round of chemo on July 4th and then they will be switching me over to the radiation oncology service. I have an appointment booked in July with Dr. Wai.
If NO cancer is found they will do another round of chemo on July 4th and then release me from the medical oncology service. I will be under a recall system for every 3-4 months for the next 5 years.
I don't know when the results will be in, but I am hoping for the non-radiation scenario. I am tired of feeling like I have Montezuma revenge, I am tired of tired and I am eager to get back to normal life.
Friday, 22 June 2012
Josh Rogan for dinner.
Where do I even start with today. I am now sitting with tea and a cinnamon bun--emotionally eating.
I have been a bit of an wreck all day.
I realized the other day that it has been a year since we sold our house in Kelowna. We put out a `fleece` that if God wanted us to move quickly our house would sell quickly, if we were meant to stay longer in Kelowna, the house would take longer to sell.
It sold 3 days after we listed, subjects were removed in 7.
Still, we had fear of moving on. We looked very briefly at renting a home and staying on one more year. As we looked at listings, it was glaringly obvious we were to move.
We came to Victoria on the July long weekend to look for a house. First day we were looking we found the house we are currently in. It`s a beautiful home and I am so grateful for it. I am thankful for the 1925 feel it has, the beautiful garden and stream in the back, for all my fish in my fish pond. I am thankful it`s in such a central location, near to work, a little village, great parks. I have absolutely no regrets about it.
Since coming home from our last trip to Kelowna--my heart has just not settled. There are so many we wanted to have a chance to talk to, spend time with, but we were just not able too. I found that very upsetting. I cried off and on from West Kelowna to Tsawwassen.
Today is the MBSS (Mount Boucherie Senior Secondary) Grad in Kelowna. This is only the 2nd commencement ceremony I have missed in 14 years. My heart is aching to be there. I miss my kids terribly today.
I am watching post after post of Grad comments on Facebook and am feeling my loss.
When I think of what this past year has brought our way, I can`t help but feel overwhelmed. I have specifically concentrated over this year on the `positives` in life--on this drizzly grey day, my perspective is lost.
So, I have done what I do best. I spent my day in the kitchen.
I told Kent we were having Josh Rogan for dinner I meant this:
Not this:
I meant Rogan Josh. With my own blend of chick peas, cauliflower and potato.
Then I made Butter Chicken.
Then I made spice cupcakes with rum butter cream icing.
And it`s 3.30 in the afternoon. I still have so much time in this day to fill.
Today, I am thankful that I am feeling better and that I CAN spend my day in my kitchen. I am thankful that I had a moment with Kent at lunch. I am thankful that I am here, in this moment--relishing the time as a youth leader. It is something no one can take from me.
I know that in my life I have at times failed as a wife, I have failed many times as a mother, but I can say with all honesty I never failed at loving Kent, loving my kids and my youth kids. And that will never stop.
I have been a bit of an wreck all day.
I realized the other day that it has been a year since we sold our house in Kelowna. We put out a `fleece` that if God wanted us to move quickly our house would sell quickly, if we were meant to stay longer in Kelowna, the house would take longer to sell.
It sold 3 days after we listed, subjects were removed in 7.
Still, we had fear of moving on. We looked very briefly at renting a home and staying on one more year. As we looked at listings, it was glaringly obvious we were to move.
We came to Victoria on the July long weekend to look for a house. First day we were looking we found the house we are currently in. It`s a beautiful home and I am so grateful for it. I am thankful for the 1925 feel it has, the beautiful garden and stream in the back, for all my fish in my fish pond. I am thankful it`s in such a central location, near to work, a little village, great parks. I have absolutely no regrets about it.
Since coming home from our last trip to Kelowna--my heart has just not settled. There are so many we wanted to have a chance to talk to, spend time with, but we were just not able too. I found that very upsetting. I cried off and on from West Kelowna to Tsawwassen.
Today is the MBSS (Mount Boucherie Senior Secondary) Grad in Kelowna. This is only the 2nd commencement ceremony I have missed in 14 years. My heart is aching to be there. I miss my kids terribly today.
I am watching post after post of Grad comments on Facebook and am feeling my loss.
When I think of what this past year has brought our way, I can`t help but feel overwhelmed. I have specifically concentrated over this year on the `positives` in life--on this drizzly grey day, my perspective is lost.
So, I have done what I do best. I spent my day in the kitchen.
I told Kent we were having Josh Rogan for dinner I meant this:
Not this:
I meant Rogan Josh. With my own blend of chick peas, cauliflower and potato.
Then I made Butter Chicken.
Then I made spice cupcakes with rum butter cream icing.
And it`s 3.30 in the afternoon. I still have so much time in this day to fill.
Today, I am thankful that I am feeling better and that I CAN spend my day in my kitchen. I am thankful that I had a moment with Kent at lunch. I am thankful that I am here, in this moment--relishing the time as a youth leader. It is something no one can take from me.
I know that in my life I have at times failed as a wife, I have failed many times as a mother, but I can say with all honesty I never failed at loving Kent, loving my kids and my youth kids. And that will never stop.
Thursday, 21 June 2012
Pajama Day?
I have had a number of questions as to whether I had a pajama day the other day....
The answer is yes and no.
I didn't get the laundry done.
I found a not-as-dirty-as-the-day-before-pair-of-jeans and went out. Melissa wanted to beachcomb and I sat on the beach.
I burned the back of my legs....they are still stinging today.
Kent just went down to move the laundry over, one more load and I will be caught up.
Tomorrow, I conquer deodorant.
One step at a time people....one step at a time!
The answer is yes and no.
I didn't get the laundry done.
I found a not-as-dirty-as-the-day-before-pair-of-jeans and went out. Melissa wanted to beachcomb and I sat on the beach.
I burned the back of my legs....they are still stinging today.
Kent just went down to move the laundry over, one more load and I will be caught up.
Tomorrow, I conquer deodorant.
One step at a time people....one step at a time!
Wednesday, 20 June 2012
Yup, I made my husband cry!
Sigh, it was bound to happen.
Kent and I have standing date. Every Wednesday morning, for ever, we have had a standing coffee/breakfast date.
I highly recommend this to any married couple, no matter what stage of life you are in. A confirmed, standing date, no matter what comes during the week, you have time carved out for each other.
Over the past number of months that standing date has gone by the wayside, simply because I haven't always been able to get out of bed for 7 am.
Some people have said, what? You should have more energy than that!
It's true, but here has been my sleep cycle. I go to bed at about 9 and take a sleeping pill. Sometime about 10.30-11.30 I fall asleep. I wake at 2, 3, 3.30 and then at 4. At 4 a special thing happens, my husband goes off. Snoring. Loudly. Mouth closed, can't get him to stop, snoring. Ugh.
Most nights I read from 2 on, sometimes by 5 I can fall back to sleep...until the kids get up at start moving about the house. At 8 every morning I get a wake up kiss from my hubby before he leaves for work. Then, I am up for the day.
Today, I struggled to wake at 7. I *really* wanted my time with Kent. I just couldn't muster. My eyes *would not* obey my brain.
Kent then said to me, I have an eye appointment at 9.30, why don't you pick me up and we can go then?
GENIUS! I mean, I fell in love with him because he is dang hot, but he is also a flipping genius!
I crashed....and woke at 8.50, I pulled myself from my bed and started out toward his office. I packed my purse with my "chemotherapy" necessities, and picked up Kent. We arrived at his appointment, directly across the street from Starbucks. I read my e-reader while he had his appointment...
Both of us have now been told we need "readers"--which is funny, we both said we'd increase the size of the font we are reading first.
Pride. Unadulterated pride. And I just don't care what you think. <<Insert Raspberry here>>
So, we wandered over to Starbucks. We had a really good talk. Like we normally do.
We began discussing where I was in my chemotherapy cycle, I was munching on a spinach and egg white wrap, (recommended...by the way), and I said to Kent, I could eat three of these.
Ding!! It hits us! I am on the upswing!
So, we started discussing a text message conversation we had yesterday. I sent a message asking when he would be home for dinner, I was starving. I wanted someone to eat with and Max, Melissa and Jonathan weren't around.
Text--
He said, "I will come home and feed you shortly."
I said, "Seriously, now. Get. Home. Now. Feed. Me. Now."
He said, "I am afraid. I will only come home if you guarantee my safety."
Then, I look at Kent and he has tears in his eyes, he said, "I was scared, I know how much you need protein right now, and I AM protein, I mean, I am MADE of protein."
Giggles. We were in a fit of giggles.
I love this man so much. He is so not ALL protein....but I let him believe it. I can't wait for my next Wednesday morning date.
Kent and I have standing date. Every Wednesday morning, for ever, we have had a standing coffee/breakfast date.
I highly recommend this to any married couple, no matter what stage of life you are in. A confirmed, standing date, no matter what comes during the week, you have time carved out for each other.
Over the past number of months that standing date has gone by the wayside, simply because I haven't always been able to get out of bed for 7 am.
Some people have said, what? You should have more energy than that!
It's true, but here has been my sleep cycle. I go to bed at about 9 and take a sleeping pill. Sometime about 10.30-11.30 I fall asleep. I wake at 2, 3, 3.30 and then at 4. At 4 a special thing happens, my husband goes off. Snoring. Loudly. Mouth closed, can't get him to stop, snoring. Ugh.
Most nights I read from 2 on, sometimes by 5 I can fall back to sleep...until the kids get up at start moving about the house. At 8 every morning I get a wake up kiss from my hubby before he leaves for work. Then, I am up for the day.
Today, I struggled to wake at 7. I *really* wanted my time with Kent. I just couldn't muster. My eyes *would not* obey my brain.
Kent then said to me, I have an eye appointment at 9.30, why don't you pick me up and we can go then?
GENIUS! I mean, I fell in love with him because he is dang hot, but he is also a flipping genius!
I crashed....and woke at 8.50, I pulled myself from my bed and started out toward his office. I packed my purse with my "chemotherapy" necessities, and picked up Kent. We arrived at his appointment, directly across the street from Starbucks. I read my e-reader while he had his appointment...
Both of us have now been told we need "readers"--which is funny, we both said we'd increase the size of the font we are reading first.
Pride. Unadulterated pride. And I just don't care what you think. <<Insert Raspberry here>>
So, we wandered over to Starbucks. We had a really good talk. Like we normally do.
We began discussing where I was in my chemotherapy cycle, I was munching on a spinach and egg white wrap, (recommended...by the way), and I said to Kent, I could eat three of these.
Ding!! It hits us! I am on the upswing!
So, we started discussing a text message conversation we had yesterday. I sent a message asking when he would be home for dinner, I was starving. I wanted someone to eat with and Max, Melissa and Jonathan weren't around.
Text--
He said, "I will come home and feed you shortly."
I said, "Seriously, now. Get. Home. Now. Feed. Me. Now."
He said, "I am afraid. I will only come home if you guarantee my safety."
Then, I look at Kent and he has tears in his eyes, he said, "I was scared, I know how much you need protein right now, and I AM protein, I mean, I am MADE of protein."
Giggles. We were in a fit of giggles.
I love this man so much. He is so not ALL protein....but I let him believe it. I can't wait for my next Wednesday morning date.
Tuesday, 19 June 2012
That's just the left leg!
Please.
You know if you are a Mom at some point in time, you've had this moment. I just didn't expect to have that moment when my kids were 18 and 20.
The last time it happened, I believe Melissa was about 2, Max was about 6 months old. I was stranded in Glenrosa at our new home--we were renovating. My neighbour--who had a 1 year old was bored. She decided to take 3 shifts at her job--she came tearing over the fence to ask if I'd babysit so she could get out of the house.
How could I resist her? We were both pretty bored to death, it was 3 shifts, it would make her sane, make a little bit of money and make me completely insane.
So, I agreed, and the following morning, she dropped off the baby and went off to her 8 hour shift.
Oh, I had NO idea what I had just done. 3 babies under the age of 2. What was I thinking?
By the time the week was over, she had worked 5 shifts. I agreed to do it, because we were sharing her wage!
At the end of the week the statement happened. It's one of those moments where a husband has no idea what he has just said, it just comes out. "Do you realize your clothes are dirty?"
I remember looking down, feeling overwhelmed, but I had made it through the week. The family was content, more or less, dinner had appeared on the table all week, I had maintained the house, the groceries--but I had not maintained myself.
It's a little of a pattern that would occur over and over again in my life.
Today, it happened again. I was very tired, looking forward to Kent visiting me at lunch, I have to admit I was pretty grumpy when he said, "You have mustard on your pants." I actually smiled, I wasn't upset, it just struck me as a funny moment because...that was just the left leg. The right leg pant had something all together different on it...from a couple days ago, and now it's unrecognizable....
Yes, people I have let myself go.
I had run out of clothes, I am no clothes horse, I have a VERY limited wardrobe and the laundry hamper was full!
The goal for the week was to maintain feeding the family, maintain food in the fridge, (there are 5 adults living here, so grocery shopping can happen every 2 days...), maintain the house, dogs, and something that resembled normal.
Laundry wasn't even on my list.
Hopefully laundry happens tomorrow, or it will be Pajama Day at the Horie's.
You know if you are a Mom at some point in time, you've had this moment. I just didn't expect to have that moment when my kids were 18 and 20.
The last time it happened, I believe Melissa was about 2, Max was about 6 months old. I was stranded in Glenrosa at our new home--we were renovating. My neighbour--who had a 1 year old was bored. She decided to take 3 shifts at her job--she came tearing over the fence to ask if I'd babysit so she could get out of the house.
How could I resist her? We were both pretty bored to death, it was 3 shifts, it would make her sane, make a little bit of money and make me completely insane.
So, I agreed, and the following morning, she dropped off the baby and went off to her 8 hour shift.
Oh, I had NO idea what I had just done. 3 babies under the age of 2. What was I thinking?
By the time the week was over, she had worked 5 shifts. I agreed to do it, because we were sharing her wage!
At the end of the week the statement happened. It's one of those moments where a husband has no idea what he has just said, it just comes out. "Do you realize your clothes are dirty?"
I remember looking down, feeling overwhelmed, but I had made it through the week. The family was content, more or less, dinner had appeared on the table all week, I had maintained the house, the groceries--but I had not maintained myself.
It's a little of a pattern that would occur over and over again in my life.
Today, it happened again. I was very tired, looking forward to Kent visiting me at lunch, I have to admit I was pretty grumpy when he said, "You have mustard on your pants." I actually smiled, I wasn't upset, it just struck me as a funny moment because...that was just the left leg. The right leg pant had something all together different on it...from a couple days ago, and now it's unrecognizable....
Yes, people I have let myself go.
I had run out of clothes, I am no clothes horse, I have a VERY limited wardrobe and the laundry hamper was full!
The goal for the week was to maintain feeding the family, maintain food in the fridge, (there are 5 adults living here, so grocery shopping can happen every 2 days...), maintain the house, dogs, and something that resembled normal.
Laundry wasn't even on my list.
Hopefully laundry happens tomorrow, or it will be Pajama Day at the Horie's.
SPOILER ALERT: Too Much Information Post!
It seems that each chemotherapy drug I take has one side effect in common. Constipation. Yes, you have been warned.
Over the past number of months, I have been in this dance of high fibre and protein diet, with a balance of tons of water, Senakot, Milk of Magnesium, and various other things to "keep things flowing". :)
The first week of chemo is terrible, but I know when I have hit day 6/7/8--because, day 6 my stomach starts to burble. Day 7, it gets crampy and burbly, then Day 7 and 8 is this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7l6jg4Hlog (NSFW)
It's not a pretty it's down right awful and last night, although I knew it was coming....I just couldn't get past the panic of it all--it was a long night, Kent didn't know quite how to help, I thought he was angry with me...all-in-all not a good night.
Eventually it passed (Aren't you loving all this bathroom humour?) and I was feeling pretty great and starting to see the funny in all this....
Today, Day is day 8. Not out of the woods yet, but getting there. It is truly amazing how small I feel today--like my body is coming back to me yet again. So, over the next week or so, I will be normalizing again.
I never want to have to go through this again. Seriously.
Now, I need something. I have never been good as sitting still--and Kent commented the other day that with all this time to myself, I haven't found much in the way of mischief to get into.
The fact is, you need energy for mischief and I just don't have energy in abundance!
I have been up to some mischief in my own head....something that I am planning for Kent probably in the next year or so--depending on how all this chemo and cancer stuff comes out. (Bahahaha!)
Today, I think I will get in the kitchen and do some baking. I love baking, creating and cooking. And I know a certain someone who just can't resist my baking....
Over the past number of months, I have been in this dance of high fibre and protein diet, with a balance of tons of water, Senakot, Milk of Magnesium, and various other things to "keep things flowing". :)
The first week of chemo is terrible, but I know when I have hit day 6/7/8--because, day 6 my stomach starts to burble. Day 7, it gets crampy and burbly, then Day 7 and 8 is this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7l6jg4Hlog (NSFW)
It's not a pretty it's down right awful and last night, although I knew it was coming....I just couldn't get past the panic of it all--it was a long night, Kent didn't know quite how to help, I thought he was angry with me...all-in-all not a good night.
Eventually it passed (Aren't you loving all this bathroom humour?) and I was feeling pretty great and starting to see the funny in all this....
Today, Day is day 8. Not out of the woods yet, but getting there. It is truly amazing how small I feel today--like my body is coming back to me yet again. So, over the next week or so, I will be normalizing again.
I never want to have to go through this again. Seriously.
Now, I need something. I have never been good as sitting still--and Kent commented the other day that with all this time to myself, I haven't found much in the way of mischief to get into.
The fact is, you need energy for mischief and I just don't have energy in abundance!
I have been up to some mischief in my own head....something that I am planning for Kent probably in the next year or so--depending on how all this chemo and cancer stuff comes out. (Bahahaha!)
Today, I think I will get in the kitchen and do some baking. I love baking, creating and cooking. And I know a certain someone who just can't resist my baking....
Monday, 18 June 2012
50% Better!
During my last chemo session, one of the medications, I believe called vin-Christine, which causes crazy side effects including numbness to my hands and feet was backed off by 50%.
I am not sure why the Drs decided 50% was the golden number, but alas, it was backed off.
I have been warned that the numbness in my hands and feet could be permanent. When I didn't react to the Medical Oncologist's comments about my hair, I was actually thinking about my hands and feet!
During the last round of chemo, I had no feeling in my hands and feet, and generally weakened and numbed fore arms and legs.
So, I have to say, that I am feeling about 50% more feeling in feet--the feeling is back in my legs, the tips of my toes are still numb. My fingers and hands are still numb and I still have weakness and numbness to my fore arms.
Today, although tired, I have a renewed vigor. A desire for life and to get back into life. I think posting pictures yesterday of my hair loss, embracing the trial, embracing the astronomical changes in my body, have left me with this desire for normalcy.
I have watched my body balloon, although I am super thankful my weight hasn't gone up. That struggle would not make me a happy camper--and I can't wait to get back to running, walking and following Weight Watchers.
I am lifer for WW. I wholeheartedly believe in the weight loss program, it works, it just needs to be followed.
Right now, I am still struggling with eating and nausea--for some reason, today just seems a little brighter.
I am not sure why the Drs decided 50% was the golden number, but alas, it was backed off.
I have been warned that the numbness in my hands and feet could be permanent. When I didn't react to the Medical Oncologist's comments about my hair, I was actually thinking about my hands and feet!
During the last round of chemo, I had no feeling in my hands and feet, and generally weakened and numbed fore arms and legs.
So, I have to say, that I am feeling about 50% more feeling in feet--the feeling is back in my legs, the tips of my toes are still numb. My fingers and hands are still numb and I still have weakness and numbness to my fore arms.
Today, although tired, I have a renewed vigor. A desire for life and to get back into life. I think posting pictures yesterday of my hair loss, embracing the trial, embracing the astronomical changes in my body, have left me with this desire for normalcy.
I have watched my body balloon, although I am super thankful my weight hasn't gone up. That struggle would not make me a happy camper--and I can't wait to get back to running, walking and following Weight Watchers.
I am lifer for WW. I wholeheartedly believe in the weight loss program, it works, it just needs to be followed.
Right now, I am still struggling with eating and nausea--for some reason, today just seems a little brighter.
Saturday, 16 June 2012
Such confusion!
Last night was not a good night. I was up every 1/2 hour to hour. It was a long night followed by a very long day.
The worst part of this week has been overwhelming confusion. I actually had a moment this week, where I honestly thought I could successfully plan AND execute a bank robbery.
It seemed all so clear in my mind.
Another confusing situation had plagued my mind all week. See, I thought a friend contacted me with an idea for fund raising for a 3rd world country. She was wanting to help people with motorized wheelchairs. So, in my head I thought, I need to get her in contact with my Cousin Scott, and someone else, who made perfect sense to raise the funds needed for her project.
It wasn't until this morning that I realized that NONE of this had happened, her initial email to me, contacting Scott. You see this morning, I was dreaming that she wanted to do a black tie fund raiser at the Hotel Vancouver...she asked me to be the honorary chairperson. She would never spend that kind of money to raise money. In fact, I don't believe that Scott would either. And the fact that I could not remember the 3rd person I contacted -- made no sense!
I was feeling overwhelmed and a disoriented. As I was grappling with this reality--my phone rang.
There is a person who contacts me about every 3 months. He thinks he wants to be with me, but the stark reality is--I love Kent and don't want to have anything to do with him. I have tried to block numbers, but he calls from a different number each time, I have been successful blocking facebook, but it just seems when I am at my weakest, I get these calls.
I rolled over in bed, held onto Kent and cried. My only hope for reality right now is him. He is keeping me so grounded.
Shortly after that, I got a text from a friend in distress. For about an hour, I walked her through her struggle, I thought, as the conversation ended....I am seriously, completely exhausted.
My favourite part of today, was my big outing to Canadian Tire. I love the smell of Canadian Tire, it reminds me of a time in life was just so simple. Easy. As I held Kent's hand and we walked down the aisle, I realized, this is the reality that I love so much. Him. Simple. Easy-Peasy. We got what he needed and a little of what he didn't, which is just so Canadian Tire...as we left there, we were able to pick up part of Max's grad gift. We came home and Kent set about to putter has he does on his days off.
My love, my life. I am just so grateful for such an authentic, fiercely loyal, mutually respectful loving Husband. In all my life I will never understand why I got so incredibly blessed to have him.
Thank you God for Kent. No one could be more amazing for me.
The worst part of this week has been overwhelming confusion. I actually had a moment this week, where I honestly thought I could successfully plan AND execute a bank robbery.
It seemed all so clear in my mind.
Another confusing situation had plagued my mind all week. See, I thought a friend contacted me with an idea for fund raising for a 3rd world country. She was wanting to help people with motorized wheelchairs. So, in my head I thought, I need to get her in contact with my Cousin Scott, and someone else, who made perfect sense to raise the funds needed for her project.
It wasn't until this morning that I realized that NONE of this had happened, her initial email to me, contacting Scott. You see this morning, I was dreaming that she wanted to do a black tie fund raiser at the Hotel Vancouver...she asked me to be the honorary chairperson. She would never spend that kind of money to raise money. In fact, I don't believe that Scott would either. And the fact that I could not remember the 3rd person I contacted -- made no sense!
I was feeling overwhelmed and a disoriented. As I was grappling with this reality--my phone rang.
There is a person who contacts me about every 3 months. He thinks he wants to be with me, but the stark reality is--I love Kent and don't want to have anything to do with him. I have tried to block numbers, but he calls from a different number each time, I have been successful blocking facebook, but it just seems when I am at my weakest, I get these calls.
I rolled over in bed, held onto Kent and cried. My only hope for reality right now is him. He is keeping me so grounded.
Shortly after that, I got a text from a friend in distress. For about an hour, I walked her through her struggle, I thought, as the conversation ended....I am seriously, completely exhausted.
My favourite part of today, was my big outing to Canadian Tire. I love the smell of Canadian Tire, it reminds me of a time in life was just so simple. Easy. As I held Kent's hand and we walked down the aisle, I realized, this is the reality that I love so much. Him. Simple. Easy-Peasy. We got what he needed and a little of what he didn't, which is just so Canadian Tire...as we left there, we were able to pick up part of Max's grad gift. We came home and Kent set about to putter has he does on his days off.
My love, my life. I am just so grateful for such an authentic, fiercely loyal, mutually respectful loving Husband. In all my life I will never understand why I got so incredibly blessed to have him.
Thank you God for Kent. No one could be more amazing for me.
Friday, 15 June 2012
Not much to say today.....
Not much to say today except that it's a normal post chemo day, having all the symptoms and fatigue, but not the wild steroid ride I had the last couple of days. The Drs gave me more medication to counteract the overdose, so that I could sleep last night.
I was in bed last night staring at the walls, unable to close my eyes until about 11.30, I slept until 2 and then 5 and then 8.
Much better night than the last couple of nights!
I was in bed last night staring at the walls, unable to close my eyes until about 11.30, I slept until 2 and then 5 and then 8.
Much better night than the last couple of nights!
Wednesday, 13 June 2012
A little overdose won't kill you....
But it will do funky things to you.
Today, I have had a brain on overload. Literally I have been thinking so much, my brain hurts. At one point today I contemplated robbing a bank--it was a fleeting thought, but still it was there. At the same time, my body just wanted me to stop.
Body said Nap!
Head said Marathon!
I actually went to get a few groceries I had missed yesterday and found I was a little wobbly. Decided it was time to go home and obey the body. So I sat down, but my head just wouldn't stop.
So, I decided to look up the side effects of Prednisone. Dumb move. It was almost as bad as looking up the you tube video of the bone marrow biopsy. Dumb move.
It did give me some perspective, so I was right in telling Kent to go to Vancouver today--He had a meeting with a disgruntled customer. He just texted me he is on his way home on the 7 pm ferry. Yeah!
Thankfully he wasn't around for my verbal nasty diarrhea that I get from the Prednisone. It's almost like I have an out-of-body experience and I just can't stop what's coming out of my mouth. So I have decided that I will leave the room, have a bath, stay away from my family--I don't want to hurt them with my nastiness.
I always thought that this was a lack of self-control, but now I have seen the mood altering drug at work...it's not fun and there is nothing that can be controlled.
On a completely different note I was looking for a song that my friend Sandy Seward sent to me months ago, I listened to it today, and it was so encouraging. So while my mind was whirling 10 000 mph--I sat back in a chair and listened to it, trying to rest:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytE8um04l24
Today, I have had a brain on overload. Literally I have been thinking so much, my brain hurts. At one point today I contemplated robbing a bank--it was a fleeting thought, but still it was there. At the same time, my body just wanted me to stop.
Body said Nap!
Head said Marathon!
I actually went to get a few groceries I had missed yesterday and found I was a little wobbly. Decided it was time to go home and obey the body. So I sat down, but my head just wouldn't stop.
So, I decided to look up the side effects of Prednisone. Dumb move. It was almost as bad as looking up the you tube video of the bone marrow biopsy. Dumb move.
It did give me some perspective, so I was right in telling Kent to go to Vancouver today--He had a meeting with a disgruntled customer. He just texted me he is on his way home on the 7 pm ferry. Yeah!
Thankfully he wasn't around for my verbal nasty diarrhea that I get from the Prednisone. It's almost like I have an out-of-body experience and I just can't stop what's coming out of my mouth. So I have decided that I will leave the room, have a bath, stay away from my family--I don't want to hurt them with my nastiness.
I always thought that this was a lack of self-control, but now I have seen the mood altering drug at work...it's not fun and there is nothing that can be controlled.
On a completely different note I was looking for a song that my friend Sandy Seward sent to me months ago, I listened to it today, and it was so encouraging. So while my mind was whirling 10 000 mph--I sat back in a chair and listened to it, trying to rest:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytE8um04l24
Tuesday, 12 June 2012
Time to practice what I preach.
"I shall pass through this world but once. Any good thing that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now and not defer it, for I will not pass this way again" -Unknown
I hate the term YOLO (You Only Live Once). I have to say that I agree, I only live once.
A number of days ago, I was challenged with showing compassion to a person who was rude. Today, I was put in that exact position. The mantra today was, I maybe the only Jesus this woman will see. Be His hands, be His feet. Show compassion.
I had chemo today, never a fun day.
I was asked if a "student nurse" (who looked like she should have been retired) could work on me with her supervisor. I am not sure if she was just going for her chemo diploma or if it was a perceptorship, or a student. It didn't matter to me. I think that when people are training they need practice, so I have never said no.
I may change my mind about that....
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm —
he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
I am resting in the promises of God. He will keep me from harm and I know He has been watching over my life, my whole life.
I hate the term YOLO (You Only Live Once). I have to say that I agree, I only live once.
A number of days ago, I was challenged with showing compassion to a person who was rude. Today, I was put in that exact position. The mantra today was, I maybe the only Jesus this woman will see. Be His hands, be His feet. Show compassion.
I had chemo today, never a fun day.
I was asked if a "student nurse" (who looked like she should have been retired) could work on me with her supervisor. I am not sure if she was just going for her chemo diploma or if it was a perceptorship, or a student. It didn't matter to me. I think that when people are training they need practice, so I have never said no.
I may change my mind about that....
My nurse put in my IV, which hurt like stink. She then started the IV flowing and pinched it off, normally that would make the blood in my vein flow back into the IV line. She pinched, no blood. She literally said, Oh well I am sure it's fine. I said, I don't think so, I think there is supposed to be blood.
Before the chemo started I went to the bathroom and pinched the IV myself. Not seeing the blood was a concern for me. When I came out I happened to cross paths with her supervisor. I told her about the IV and she sat me down i my chair and corrected the IV with the student watching.
The student came by with my oral meds, Tylenol, Benadryl and Prednisone.
Then they started with the chemo drugs. The first one the supervisor showed her how to push it, it has to be diluted by the IV. It could "kill" the vein if not being careful.
The next syringe, the student did -- which she pushed hard. She was properly supervised and the student did really well.
She came by with a bottle of my "step down" Prednisone so I don't have a crash. It hit me a short time later that I didn't get my 5 days of Prednisone, which I normally get from the BC Cancer Agency Pharmacy--so I asked..to which the nurse said, I already gave that to you. I said, you gave me my weaning Prednisone, but not my weekly dose. She brought my file over and showed me....
Lightbulb.
I think we both figured it out at about the same time. She gave me 5 days of Prednisone at once.
I was sick to my stomach. I think she was horrified.
I dismissed myself and went to the bathroom. I had a good, good cry.
She went back to her supervisor and they both came and talked to Kent and I. They were incredibly sorry for the mistake and had called the GP Oncologist and Medical Oncologist for advice. When the GPO and the Med Onc came over they explained things clearly to Kent and me.
When the student came back I had the moment of--now is the time to practice what I preach. Will I be forgiving of the mistake or bite her head off. I think I had just cause.
I didn't. I told her mistakes happen. We all make mistakes at work, we are human.
As she walked away, I began the mantra I mentioned earlier. I need to be Jesus to her. I maybe the only Jesus she sees all day.
I also want to say, I am no doormat. There will be an inquiry to the mistake, there will be calls made--the supervisor initiated that conversation--I really appreciated the honesty the two nurses had.
When all this started people sent me a number of scriptures that I highlighted in my bible. One friend, Cindy, sent me Psalm 121. I memorized it as best as I could...and used it during my bone marrow biopsy when I was getting scared. Today, I reminded myself of it--not knowing what I would be facing with this "overdose" of Prednisone.
I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm —
he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
I am resting in the promises of God. He will keep me from harm and I know He has been watching over my life, my whole life.
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Let the beautiful stuff out.
We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out. Ray Bradbury
Kent's family is not coming to the wedding in August. There won't be a biological family member for Kent there. That angers me. Not that they decided not to come, but rather, the hurt that I see in my daughter and husband.
I can't make them come, if I could, I would.
So I am left with angry. Kent is hurt but in this moment he is being positive on their part, which I have to say is a lot stronger and bolder a reaction than I am having. Melissa really wanted them at the wedding too and her initial reaction was laced with hurt.
So I hurt, and I am dealing with this--it is taking me some time to process...
One of the things that I have often said to the teens I work with is this: Sometimes our earthly family fails us, that's why God has given us the community of the church family. The church family will fail us too, but we have so much family built into our lives, how can we not succeed when you have a host of people standing behind you?
My church family. They have been really great this week, they have been bringing food over, visiting, its been very encouraging--after the battle that was the first 2 weeks of this round of chemo.
Last night, my long friend Sandy came over with a fabulous dinner. As she was readying to leave she said, "I'll get my kids and get out of your hair." A nanosecond pause and we burst out laughing.
I HAVE NO HAIR!
I love her, she is just so amazing.
The other day while driving around town with Melissa my head was getting hot, so I pulled off my toque, it wasn't cool enough, so I pulled off the doorag I was wearing. Still no relief, so I rolled the window down....and said, "Oh the wind in my hair feels so great!" Melissa laughed, and I said, "No, the one hair in the back of my head is very happy!"
I have to laugh. Any bit of stress gives me chest pains, so news like family not coming, watching a stressful movie, hurts.
So today, I am letting go of my in-laws decision not to come. Wild horses couldn't keep me from going to see my niece get married, relationships are really important to me.
I was playing the piano earlier when I got a text from my newest friend, Jackie Palmer, Melissa's soon to be Mother-in-law. She said, "I will drop off supper this morning at about 10 or so...."
She showed up here with a huge dinner, 2 pies, ice cream, she went all out! She hugged me and left to go downtown with another friend.
Family: you can't live without them, and you can't live without them. They are always precious no matter what. I love my family, my in-laws and my church family.
So today, I have to find a way to let it all go and let the beautiful stuff out.
Monday, 4 June 2012
Faithfulness
A sermon by Eric Samuel Timm at HM really hit home to me--based out of Joshua 3. Our Pastors are preaching through Joshua this month.
I love the book of Joshua. I love the first chapter, when its stated 3 times (I think, I'd have to go back and verify that...) to be bold and courageous. Not just once or twice. It was meant to get the attention of the reader, and to reinforce the statement.
Joshua 3 has one of my favourite passages, Kim paraphrased, put your foot INTO the water and the water will recede. It reminds me that I have to take a leap of faith sometimes to see God move.
Kent and I were talking last night, about faithfulness, taking that leap of faith.
I don't know why I keep hearing the same lesson, but it has brought to my mind the stark realization: we have been here almost a year. The process of "do-we-move-or-not" started at the end of April last year, we put our house on the market in June, sold in June, bought a house in July, moved in August.
We had talked at the time of a contingency plan: We could stay in West Kelowna, rent a place in Glenrosa and live off my income from the Doctors office. It would be lean, but we've done that before.
We tossed that idea around for a while, but the more we thought about and prayed about it--we just didn't seem settled with the idea.
So, we took a leap of faith.
Looking back over the past 12 months, I could say it was annus horriblis, but I just can't. We left behind what was comfortable, what was fulfilling, what was full of love--into a little of the unknown.
Knowing what I know now, I could not have been the primary income earner.
Kent's job has been great. He is a hero at the office, I have been told this before by his co-workers, they are super supportive of him. His last review, they said he was doing just great. We always knew that of Kent, it's good to hear it.
When we got here, I had a lonely exsistence, but it forced me to re-discover what makes Kim tick. What is my passion, what drives me? Once we had that figured out, I set out to work for Satan herself. (OK, she wasn't Satan, but it was one of the toughest jobs I have ever had....good thing it was only for an 8 week medical leave....)
While working for Satan, I met Ewa (Eva). We would go for walks at lunch, I'd sit at my desk with her Yorkie (Coco) on my lap. Little did I know that I would desperately need her friendship in the end. She is now my primary caregiver and is a force to be reckoned with. She is blunt, to the point, and fiercely in my corner.
I love my job at Royal Jubilee, being that I am a casual, if I am feeling up to working I can, if not, I don't. I have great co-workers, I have favour in the office--it's good.
Stepping into the river, I highly recommend it. God is good, always faithful. He never promised an easy road. Easy is for wimps.
I love the book of Joshua. I love the first chapter, when its stated 3 times (I think, I'd have to go back and verify that...) to be bold and courageous. Not just once or twice. It was meant to get the attention of the reader, and to reinforce the statement.
Joshua 3 has one of my favourite passages, Kim paraphrased, put your foot INTO the water and the water will recede. It reminds me that I have to take a leap of faith sometimes to see God move.
Kent and I were talking last night, about faithfulness, taking that leap of faith.
I don't know why I keep hearing the same lesson, but it has brought to my mind the stark realization: we have been here almost a year. The process of "do-we-move-or-not" started at the end of April last year, we put our house on the market in June, sold in June, bought a house in July, moved in August.
We had talked at the time of a contingency plan: We could stay in West Kelowna, rent a place in Glenrosa and live off my income from the Doctors office. It would be lean, but we've done that before.
We tossed that idea around for a while, but the more we thought about and prayed about it--we just didn't seem settled with the idea.
So, we took a leap of faith.
Looking back over the past 12 months, I could say it was annus horriblis, but I just can't. We left behind what was comfortable, what was fulfilling, what was full of love--into a little of the unknown.
Knowing what I know now, I could not have been the primary income earner.
Kent's job has been great. He is a hero at the office, I have been told this before by his co-workers, they are super supportive of him. His last review, they said he was doing just great. We always knew that of Kent, it's good to hear it.
When we got here, I had a lonely exsistence, but it forced me to re-discover what makes Kim tick. What is my passion, what drives me? Once we had that figured out, I set out to work for Satan herself. (OK, she wasn't Satan, but it was one of the toughest jobs I have ever had....good thing it was only for an 8 week medical leave....)
While working for Satan, I met Ewa (Eva). We would go for walks at lunch, I'd sit at my desk with her Yorkie (Coco) on my lap. Little did I know that I would desperately need her friendship in the end. She is now my primary caregiver and is a force to be reckoned with. She is blunt, to the point, and fiercely in my corner.
I love my job at Royal Jubilee, being that I am a casual, if I am feeling up to working I can, if not, I don't. I have great co-workers, I have favour in the office--it's good.
Stepping into the river, I highly recommend it. God is good, always faithful. He never promised an easy road. Easy is for wimps.
Back on the upswing ..... again
And its about time. This round of chemotherapy was by far a harder trial than last month.
The Dr.s gave me a new med this round, which gave me terrible gas, bloating and stomach upset. On top of the already deadly chemo.
The chemotherapy drugs made me so out of it I was having a hard time with just the basics of life. Seriously.
I ended up calling the BC Cancer Agency for help twice this month. I thought that I was constipated with the new meds, I was so dehydrated during Max's grad I realized that my teeth were sticking to the inside of my cheek--so I knew that if I were in a state--it was my own fault.
When I called the BCCA they said, are you eating, I said of course! They said are you drinking? I said, yes! Which was only partly true--I knew I wasn't drinking enough. I am finding that if I don't drink between 2-3L of water a day (or herbal tea) I can't sleep at night for how dry I am feeling.
They said, take Senakot, which I had been for the past 2 days, so they added Milk of Magnesium, but nothing was happening.
Suddenly, I realized that I actually wasn't eating....although I thought I was, but it was mostly liquids, broths and such....my fogginess was so severe that I would go to the kitchen to eat, be distracted by the drinking part and I would leave with tea, but nothing else.
I would eat little at dinner, but not enough to sustain me--so after 7 days of this, and about 6 pounds of weight loss--I woke at 2.30 am and thought: I AM HUNGRY!
I got up and had a bowl of cereal.
Once I had some food in me, I had just so much clarity and energy.
I have now implemented a food/drink diary. Along with my medication schedule--I am going to get the hang of all this just in time for it all to be over. Yeeesh.
The Dr.s gave me a new med this round, which gave me terrible gas, bloating and stomach upset. On top of the already deadly chemo.
The chemotherapy drugs made me so out of it I was having a hard time with just the basics of life. Seriously.
I ended up calling the BC Cancer Agency for help twice this month. I thought that I was constipated with the new meds, I was so dehydrated during Max's grad I realized that my teeth were sticking to the inside of my cheek--so I knew that if I were in a state--it was my own fault.
When I called the BCCA they said, are you eating, I said of course! They said are you drinking? I said, yes! Which was only partly true--I knew I wasn't drinking enough. I am finding that if I don't drink between 2-3L of water a day (or herbal tea) I can't sleep at night for how dry I am feeling.
They said, take Senakot, which I had been for the past 2 days, so they added Milk of Magnesium, but nothing was happening.
Suddenly, I realized that I actually wasn't eating....although I thought I was, but it was mostly liquids, broths and such....my fogginess was so severe that I would go to the kitchen to eat, be distracted by the drinking part and I would leave with tea, but nothing else.
I would eat little at dinner, but not enough to sustain me--so after 7 days of this, and about 6 pounds of weight loss--I woke at 2.30 am and thought: I AM HUNGRY!
I got up and had a bowl of cereal.
Once I had some food in me, I had just so much clarity and energy.
I have now implemented a food/drink diary. Along with my medication schedule--I am going to get the hang of all this just in time for it all to be over. Yeeesh.
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