Disappointment.

I had an appointment today with the Medical Oncologist to go over my last round of chemo and to set up for tomorrow.  I asked if the Pet Scan results were back and they are.

So, the Pet Scan is positive.  I was incredibly disappointed.  That means more treatment.  I was really hoping that this would be the end of it all.

I will do my next round of chemo starting tomorrow, then I meet with the Radiation Oncologist July10th and at some time in the next 5 weeks they will start with a 5 day/week radiation schedule.  I am not sure for how long this schedule will be for--that is to be determined by the Radiation Oncologist.

My heart is hurting.  My chest is hurting.

I can see that this schedule is amazing--the radiation will start AFTER Melissa's wedding--according to the Medical Oncologist.

There is always a silver lining -- sometimes it's harder to see than other times, but I have to say I am so incredibly disappointed.

I am thrilled that they are working toward a cure.  Not just to prolong my life.  I am submitting to their knowledge that there is some more things to learn, more dependence to gain.  Yes, I said dependence.  I have spent a lifetime trying to be independent.  To be a strong, courageous woman of faith.  This whole sickness has taught me that it's ok to lean on my family for support, to be weak and to be cared for by them.

It really has been a significant time of growth for me.  I am thankful for that, but I am so, so ready for this to be over.