I dreamed last night of a medical emergency that lead to a death and I actually had a little bit of an out of body experience. I went along with the person to Hell.
I didn't see much--I was just very aware of where I was and how incredibly sorry I was for the person.
I woke with this "mantra" of sorts running through my head today. Lord, do whatever it takes. Today, I am completely surrendered to this all--all of it, my life, my health, my family, my marriage, my dog. :) All of it is yours to do with it what you will.
I am your pencil. Write. Draw. Compose music.
As I have gone through my day so far, I had a beautiful breakfast on the back deck with Melissa, Jonathan and Max. Chilled, relaxed.
I then went to Safeway, to put together a picnic for Melissa and Jonathan to have tonight.
All morning I have been repeating, do whatever it takes, Lord, do whatever it takes.
As I went to the basement to get a cooler for M and Js dinner, I wobbled on the stairs....my feet are incredibly numb, but it wasn't that kind of feeling of wobble.
I walked into the kitchen, Jesus Culture was singing in the background.....and I wobbled again and realized what was happening.
I feel fine. I am not ill.
Tears came to my eyes and I felt a compulsion to be on my knees before God.....Now. There was such an urgency and before I could really think it through I was staring at my floor. With lots of tears and my heart leaping inside of my chest.
Do whatever it takes. Please Lord, whatever it takes.
I was on the floor for over 20 minutes when I looked up and realized my foot was cramping me back to reality. Thanks Chemo--you had to show up didn't you....
The Holy Spirit has hit me like that a couple times in my life, I don't know if someone else was praying for me or if it was just between God and I, but I was rocked by his presence this morning. My God is a great God. He knew exactly what I needed this morning.
Isaiah 57:15
For this is what the High and Exalted One says— He who lives forever, whose name is Holy: “I live in a high and holy place, but also with the one who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite."
For this is what the High and Exalted One says— He who lives forever, whose name is Holy: “I live in a high and holy place, but also with the one who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite."
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