Happy Birthday to Kent

Yesterday was Kent's 47th birthday and in an attempt to have some "normal" in our lives we decided over a month ago that we should have some people over for a BBQ.

I put out the message to a handful of people, including some of Kent's co-workers from Vivitro Labs and we set to making the plan.

I cooked  and baked for days and at 4 pm, I was *SO* ready for people to arrive I sat down for the first time all day.

At 4:30 I got up to get the corn on the cob started and put out the salads and get the last minute things done.

At 4.45 Kent comes in and says, I broke the BBQ.  I need to get to Canadian Tire to get a part.

Stress causes me to have chest pain and I shake.  It's a new thing since the chemo started.  So, honestly for the first time since we started prepping -- I got chest pain.

One of the best parts of being in Victoria, people don't arrive RIGHT on time.  They mingle in, which is a blessing when the BBQ is torn apart across the deck.

Sigh.

Kent got it back together and it worked beautifully for the rest of the night.

I had a number of people comment that they would have thought I would've had his party catered. I could never do that...

It was a good night, full of a lot of laughter, we have really been included in some really great people's lives.

The past couple of days I have been feeling pretty melancholy about July 4th, its the start of my next round of chemotherapy.  I have a pretty bad attitude about it.  I just don't want to do this again.  I am done with this, tired of this.  I really want my life back.

Last night I dreamed that I was on some sort of youth outing, there were buses all over the place and I got a chance to wave at the EC bus -- I saw Shelby, Kirsten, Lexi and Ashley and we were making faces at each other and laughing.

Then our bus decided to stop somewhere for dinner and I went to find some coffee with a dark-haired youth leader that I was attending the event with.  I was finding that the lot of the youth leaders were being cliquey and not hanging out with the teens, I was feeling very frustrated.  I walked out from the coffee shop, around a bunch of buses, feeling sorry for myself, tearful when all of a sudden someone runs up and wraps her arm around me.

Pammie.  It was Pam Hanson.  I was so overcome with happiness and relief I burst into tears.

I woke immediately -- sure that I was just anxious about tomorrow and possibly today.

I need to leave in a few minutes to go to a Drs appointment at the BC Cancer Agency and do lab work to set up for tomorrow.  The Drs appointment is to go over how the last round went.  I can't wait to talk to them about it all.  It was not a fun month.